


Love, Charles

by Hqwhna



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - To All the Boys I've Loved Before Fusion, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, Erik is a Sweetheart, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:48:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22457479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hqwhna/pseuds/Hqwhna
Summary: Charles has written 5 love letters in his life. He writes a letter whenever he experiences a love so intense and overwhelming that he needs to articulate his emotions before locking them away forever. But when his letters are somehow mailed out, his quiet private school life is turned upside down, forcing him to confront the feelings he’s spent years running away from.(To All the Boys I've Loved Before-Cherik edition)
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 38
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my lovely beta readers:  
> @g33kyclassic  
> @kyoharu_alexeis

[Charles walks](https://cherik-123.tumblr.com/private/190538731634/tumblr_C8vhf3UQL4aWutBW1) through an open field, running his hand through the tall grass. Alex stood opposite, slowly walking towards him with a smile on his face. 

_The forbidden kiss_ , Charles thought. _We both knew it was wrong_

 _  
__That he was betrothed to my sister_

_But if this wasn’t what he wanted, then why did he come to the field of desire?_

They finally meet in the middle, staring into each other’s eyes. Alex reaches his hand towards Charles, softly cupping his cheek.

_It was fated that we should meet like thi-_

“Hey!”  
  


Raven barges into his bedroom, throwing a pillow at his head and interrupting his daydream. “Are you coming downstairs or not? Alex is here and we need to set the table.” She turns around and leaves before Charles can reply, not caring enough to wait for his answer. Charles opens his eyes and groans, getting up off of his bed and walking to his mirror. He checks his hair, running his hands through it until it’s acceptable, and heads downstairs.

Alex, the real Alex, is at the foot of the stairs taking his shoes off when Charles comes down. 

“Hey Alex!” Charles says. 

His composure wavers a bit, images from his daydream flashing through his mind, before he settles on a soft smile. 

“Hey Charles!” Alex says, giving him a high five and walking towards the kitchen. “Smells good! I’m not too late am I? I was meditating but I fell asleep”

Moira walks out, greets him with a quick kiss, and ushers him into the dining room. “It’s fine. Raven and Dad just finished.”

Brian and Raven poke their heads out to say hello, smoke wafting out of the kitchen door.

Raven walks out of the kitchen and sits down at the dining room table. “Hope you guys are in the mood for pizza. Dad and I burnt all of the chicken.”

Charles shakes his head in disbelief at the utter incompetence of his family in the kitchen. “It doesn’t matter what we eat. As long as we’re all together.”

  
Moira is heading off to college in Scotland in a couple days, making this one of the last meals they’ll all have together. Brian walks out of the kitchen, holding a plate of pizza slices. Before they start eating, Alex clears his throat and pulls out an envelope.

“So um, I was going to show you after dinner but I couldn’t wait, so here” He hands the envelope to Moira, who opens it with a skeptical look on her face.

She takes out a slip of paper and reads it before asking, “An airplane ticket to Scotland?”  
  
Alex nods his head with a grin on his face. “I bought it so I could come visit you at college. I’ve had a google alert for ticket sales since you got accepted.”

Brian smiles and claps his hands, taking the tickets from a stiff Moira to get a good look at them. “Look at you Alex! Stepping up to the plate for boyfriend of the year.”

Raven swoons, saying, “Oh that’s so cute Ale-” but Charles kicks her under the table and cuts her off, sensing that something’s wrong from the look on Moira’s face.

Alex must too, asking, “What? Did I do something wrong?”  
  


Moira looks conflicted, and replies, “I wish you would have waited to buy these Alex.”  
  


Charles’ stomach drops, sensing where this conversation is going. He clears his throat, cutting through the awkward silence, before saying softly, “We should probably leave,” hoping that his Dad and Raven would get the hint.

Alex stands up, saying: “No it’s fine. I’ll go,” before walking out of the room.

“Alex, wait!” Moira runs after him, leaving the three of them alone in the dining room. 

* * *

Alex was Moira’s boyfriend, but Charles loved him first. Their families were close and Charles and Alex used to ride their bikes together every afternoon, back when Moira was too “cool” to hang out with them. 

But one summer, it changed. Moira and Alex started hanging out without him, and soon they were dating. And don’t get him wrong, Charles was happy when Moira and Alex started dating. They both deserved someone nice. But his feelings lingered, so Charles wrote him a letter. 

Charles has written 5 love letters in his life. His letter to Alex was the most recent, written 2 years ago when Moira and him first started dating. He writes a letter whenever he experiences a love so intense and overwhelming that he needs to articulate his feelings before locking them away forever. All of the letters were stashed away in his mother’s old teal hat box in his closet, each of them sacred remnants of the past. 

* * *

Charles and Raven are watching the Golden Girls in the living room when Moira finally comes back in. The tears on her face catch the light of the TV as she climbs onto the couch.

Charles looks at her, tentatively asking “Is everything all right?”

Moira exhales and nods her head. “I broke up with Alex.”

Raven pauses the TV, exclaiming, “Why? You guys were so cute together! And Alex is so nice! He gives me rides and buys us pizza whenever Dad burns dinner. ”

Before Charles can kick her again, Moira crushes them both into a big bear hug.

“It was the right thing to do. I’m moving halfway across the world and it would have been cruel to string him along with a long-distance relationship.” She pauses to wipe her eyes. 

“Besides, mom once told me that I shouldn’t go to college with a boyfriend. She said she didn’t want me to be the girl crying on the phone, always saying no to things instead of yes.” Scotland was Moira’s yes.

Charles gets up to grab some cookie dough and spoons, sensing a need for comfort food. “Mom didn’t know about you and Alex or Scotland when she told you that. And Alex would never hold you back from anything. That’s not him. Moira, there’s still time for you to tell him you’ve changed your mind.”

Moira shakes her head and grabs a spoonful of cookie dough. “It’s done Charles.”

And with that, they finish the episode, not another word spoken.  
  


Charles wishes he was more like Moira sometimes. She does things with such conviction, making decisions without regrets or indecisiveness. He knew she wouldn’t go back to Alex. When she’s done, she’s done. 

Later, after he’s washed up, he lies in bed. Not thinking or moving, just staring at the teal hat box in his closet. 

* * *

It felt like a betrayal when Moira decided to go to college in Scotland. Charles knows that it's not her fault, that she didn’t intend to break up their family, but he’s still a little mad and definitely sad. For the longest time, it’s been just the 4 of them. There used to be a fifth: their mother Sharon. It’s been over 7 years but it still feels raw, like they’re still waiting for her to come home but she never will. Moira remembers the most about her, always sharing stories and general bits of advice she gave that Charles and Raven soak up like sponges, hoping to gain more memories of their mom. 

Right after her death, Brian threw himself into his work with Xavier Pharmaceuticals. And while he’s tried his best and has become more attentive in recent years, the 3 young Xavier children were still stuck in a cold, dark mansion with no mother and basically only each other. They were inseparable -are inseparable -and now Moira’s leaving.

* * *

Raven and Brian stand by the gate as Charles and Moira say goodbye. Moira crushes Charles into a bear hug, neither of them willing to let go of each other just yet. 

“Did you have to pick the furthest college you could think of? Who am I supposed to eat lunch with or talk to during school?”

“Charles, think of this as an opportunity for you to branch out and meet new people. It’s your junior year, anything could happen.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”  
  


Moira reluctantly pulls away and tucks a tuft of Charles’ hair behind his ear. “You’ll be OK. I’m only a Skype call away.” She picks up her bag, grabbing Charles’ hand as they walked towards the gate. 

Brian hands Moira a stack of magazines for the flight. “Make sure you call me when you land. And when you get to your dorm.”  
  
“And make sure you send pictures of all the cute European boys,” Raven adds. 

Moira laughs, nodding her head with teary eyes. “I’ll make sure.” She pulls them all into one last hug before walking confidently to the gate and handing the lady her board pass.

“Do you think she’ll look back at us?” Raven asks.

“No,” Charles says with a sad smile, “That’s not Moira.”

The 3 of them stand there, holding each other like lifelines as Moira walks to her plane, her eyes set firmly on the future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first fic I've written in over 5+ years and the first one I've written for this fandom so I'm pretty excited. If you have any thoughts or ideas, I'd be happy to chat with you in the comments!
> 
> My tumblr: cherik-123  
> 
> 
> Thanks for reading


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my lovely beta readers:  
> @g33kyclassic  
> @kyoharu_alexeis

Charles and Raven stand near the fountain in front of the [Xavier mansion](https://cherik-123.tumblr.com/private/190690541209/tumblr_sX5fY9piSooefoqmU), forced by their father into taking a picture for their neglected, later revived, family scrapbook. 

Brian aims his phone at the pair. “Say cheese!”

Raven gives a huge grin and Charles smiles. 

“8th and 11th grade! You guys are growing up so fast!” Brian clutches at his chest, feigning desperation. “Soon you both are going to leave and I’ll be all alone with nothing to do.”

Charles chuckles at his dad before turning towards Raven. 

“Are you ready? I don’t want to be late for the first day.”

“Hold on a sec.” Raven runs inside.

Brian gives him a hug before he heads to his car. “I have to go to work. Good luck! And drive safe.”

Charles nods and Raven runs back in time to give Brian a wave goodbye. She has a bike helmet in her hand and puts it on before announcing, “OK I’m ready.” 

It’s a running joke in the Xavier family that Charles is a bad driver. In truth, driving scares the crap out of Charles. He isn’t sure when his fear of driving manifested, but it wouldn’t take a detective to guess it had something to do with his mother dying in a car accident.

“That’s very funny Raven.”  
  


“It’s very necessary Charles.”

“Just get in before I leave without you.” Charles huffs.

* * *

It seems like the first day of junior year arrives without warning. He wasn’t quite sure why, but Charles has always loved the first day of school more than the last. The first day of school means a new beginning. It means an opportunity to reinvent himself and start fresh, something that he sometimes wants more than anything. At the start of the school year, he simply rids himself of the stress and emotional problems that plagued him the previous year and powers through everything. And while it isn’t the healthiest way to deal with his problems, it’s worked thus far. 

Plus, it gives him much-needed distractions. For example: his [outfits](https://cherik-123.tumblr.com/private/190690538929/tumblr_355oCzVmQPCA2Z1Ls). Raven always makes fun of Charles for his outfits, claiming his look book rotates between an old man, a professor, and a runway model. Today, he’s wearing his favorite vintage flannel open over a plain t-shirt, cuffed jeans, and a pair of hiking boots

Charles doesn’t have time to deal with the feelings threatening to crack through his well-designed facade. He convinces himself that if he focuses on his homework and his clothes and his driving instead of his feelings, he might just make it through the year. Key word: might

* * *

Charles walks through the hallway, hugging his backpack straps close to his body while he searches for a familiar face in a sea of hundreds. He walks by Alex and turns around slightly, giving him a small wave and earns a small, somewhat sad smile in return. He’s still walking and looking back at Alex when he collides with someone, snapping him back to reality. 

“Ow! Excuse you”  
  
Charles internally groans when he realizes who he collided with. “Oh my gosh, Magda I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Oh it’s you.”

Magda Gurzsky. Charles and her used to be friends but after middle school, for reasons having to do with their drastically different levels of popularity, she stopped hanging out with him. At first, he didn’t understand why they weren’t friends anymore. He thought he did something wrong. It was only much later that he realized it wasn’t his fault. It still irks him from time to time that Magda’s insecurities about her social standing caused Charles to second guess almost his entire personality, but he doesn’t let that get to him and tries to be the bigger person. Another key word: tries. 

“Cute jacket, Charles. You look like a lumberjack.”

Charles purses his lips in an attempt to stop a sarcastic comeback. “It’s vintage. I bought it at a thrift store.”  
  


Before Magda can reply, Charles feels an arm thrown across his shoulders. He turns his head and sees Hank McCoy, his best friend, his only friend, and Magda’s long-suffering cousin.

“I think his jacket is great.” Hank gives Magda a smug smile before continuing, “Not everyone can pull off vintage and Charles looks amazing. A whole lot better than your unfortunate-looking Uggs.”

Charles barely holds back a chuckle and Magda rolls her eyes. “You know what Hank? Screw you. You know my feet are always cold and Uggs are basically the only thing I can wear.”

Suddenly Erik Lehnsherr comes up behind Magda and rests his hand on her shoulder, placating her from any further responses. He looks up and gives a quick nod hello to Charles and Hank.

Where does one begin when describing Erik Lehnsherr? To everyone, he’s the captain of the varsity lacrosse team, one of the most popular guys in school, Magda’s boyfriend, and all around good guy. To Charles, Erik’s his first kiss and another recipient of one of his love letters. Charles’ feelings towards Erik have long since been extinguished but every once and a while, he thinks back to that fateful party where a game of spin the bottle gave Charles and Erik a brief, nonetheless romantic moment. 

Magda turns to Erik with a smirk on her face.“Hey babe. I was just complimenting Charles on his jacket.” Erik, sensing her malicious tone, winces a bit and casually moves his hand off of Magda’s shoulder and into his jacket pocket. Charles and Hank share a look, gearing up for more snarky comments. 

In an instant, Magda switches personalities and waves cheerfully to someone across the hallway. “Erik let’s go. I see people we need to talk to.”  
  
“Magda wha-” but she leaves without another word or a glance back.

Erik looks at Charles and Hank, who have been watching the abrupt interaction with amused looks on their faces. “Sorry about Magda. She stopped drinking caffeine for a new diet so she’s going through withdrawal or something.”  
  


Charles tilts his head at Erik in disbelief. “Are you sure she doesn’t have a chemical imbalance or something?” he says, teasing Erik’s excuse for Magda’s behavior.

“Right,” Erik sighs. He gives Charles a quick once over before going after Magda like a lost puppy. 

Charles and Hank turned towards each other, both glad that that confrontation was over. Hank loops his arm through Charles’ and starts leading them towards their classes. “Ready for junior year?”

Charles squeezes Hank’s arm and plasters a smile across his face. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

* * *

Lunch brings its own set of challenges. Charles and Hank have different lunch periods, leaving Charles to fend for himself in the large, and somewhat intimidating cafeteria. It seems like the buzzing cafeteria has a place for everyone but him. He looks around desperately for a spot he can fit into, both literally and figuratively (whether he likes to admit it or not), but has no such luck. After a few minutes of deliberating whether it was worth sitting at a table with strangers or in the library by himself, Charles decides to go out to the field, where he’s almost positive a certain blonde haired boy will be sitting. 

As he suspected, Alex is sitting and eating lunch by himself on bleachers. Charles walks up beside him and grins hesitantly.

“Is this seat taken?”

Alex looks up and takes out one of his earbuds. “Yeah. By you.”

Charles sits down and takes off his backpack, unsure of how to start a conversation without being awkward.

Alex clears his throat and looks down. “I gotta ask. Did Moira tell you she was gonna break up with me? You guys talk with each other about everything.”

Charles’ stomach drops at Alex’s immediate mention of his sister. He looks over at Alex. “No. She didn’t tell me.” 

Alex looks away for a second before turning back to Charles with a smile. “Well, we’re still cool right? We can still talk and hang out.”  
  
Charles smiles. “Yes we’re still cool.” It’s in that moment that Charles knows, no matter his feelings towards Alex, he would never do that to Moira.  
  


Alex nods, “Good,” and offers him his other earbud, which Charles accepts, a warm feeling inside his chest growing. 

* * *

The Xavier siblings walk towards their car, ready to go home after a long first day of school. 

Raven blabbers excitingly with increasing speed. “The middle-school cafeteria is so big! Kitty wanted to sit next to me but so did Ororo. I ended up rotating so everyone could sit next to me, you know?” 

“Yeah I can totally relate.” 

Charles climbs into the car and throws his backpack into the back seat. Raven does the same and once again puts on her bicycle helmet. 

“Raven seriously?”

“Of course.”  
  
Charles sighs and starts the car. Nervousness courses through his body as he hears the hum of the engine. He backs up without looking but stops short when he hears, “Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

Charles looks frantically in the side view mirror and groans when he realizes he almost ran over Erik Lehnsherr in the school parking lot. 

Raven is dying of laughter in the passenger seat, exclaiming, “Good thing I’m wearing my helmet.”

Charles leans forward and hits his head on the steering wheel. Erik walks forward and knocks on the driver’s side window, prompting Charles to roll the window down.

“Hi”  
  


“Hi,” Charles says, refusing to look at Erik and acknowledge his embarrassment.

“How’re you doing?”  
  


“Good. Great.”  
  


“You know people usually check behind them before they reverse. It’s a thing we do to avoid killing others,” Erik says with a grin.

Charles nervously nods his head. “Yeah I know. I’m just not completely comfortable reversing so…”

“Yeah clearly. Do you think you can make it out of the parking lot without hitting anyone?”  
  


“Yeah we’re fine. Seriously. So you can go now.”

Erik nods. “Sure Xavier. Whatever you say.” He points at Raven and says, “You’re in charge,” before walking away. 

Raven giggles. “Who was that?”  
  


Charles sighs and rolls up the window. “That, was Erik Lehnsherr.”

When the car doesn’t start moving again after a few seconds, Raven looks at Charles. 

“What are we waiting for?”

Charles turns to Raven with a dejected look on his face. “We’re waiting for the rest of the cars to leave.”  
  
Raven rolls her eyes. “Oh my gosh.”

* * *

Charles and Raven are, yet again, watching Golden Girls while huddled up together on the couch. 

“It’s weird not having Moira around,” Charles admits while grabbing some popcorn.

Raven rolls over to face Charles. “It’s weird not having Alex around either.”

They watch in silence for a couple more minutes before Raven tries to switch gears.

“You know Charles, if you had a boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to drive at all because he would take us places,” she says casually, hoping Charles would get the underlying message.

Charles playfully narrows his eyes at Raven before replying, “If that’s the only reason I should get a boyfriend, I think I’ll stay single. Sorry, but you’re stuck with me.”

Raven’s eyes glimmer with mischief. “What about that guy you almost killed the other day? He was cute.”  
  
Charles grabs some more popcorn. “He’s in a relationship.”   
  
Raven climbs closer to Charles and sighs. “Charles, don’t you think it’s depressing that you’re watching Golden Girls reruns with your little sister on a Saturday night instead of going out and doing something. I’m not saying this to hurt your feelings, but I’m 13 and I cancelled plans to hang out with you. You’re 16 and I really don’t think you had anything else going on. Am I right?”

Charles scoffs with amusement at his little sister’s bluntness. “Well thanks for sugarcoating it. Besides, I love hanging out with you and I’m fine with my life the way it is. Stop worrying.”

Raven sighs and leans into Charles, deciding she’d have to take matters into her own hands. 

* * *

The following week during gym, Charles and Hank are running laps around the track. Neither were known for physical abilities, although Hank was a surprisingly fast runner when he cared enough to put any effort in. 

“So what’d you do over the weekend?” Hank asks, slowing down a bit to fall instep with Charles

“I tried this new fancy tea blend. My dad brought it home with him from his business trip to China. Also, I finished reading this genetics article on gene mutation.”  
  


Hank laughs. “You’re such a nerd,” which is ironic coming from the boy who gave up all of his free periods to take extra science classes and is currently in line to get salutatorian. Charles, of course, is projected to get valedictorian. 

Before Charles can reply, he hears a shout. “Hey! Can I talk to you?”

  
Charles and Hank stop running and turn around to see Erik jogging towards them. 

Charles gives him a confused look. “Uh, me?”  
  


Erik nods. 

“Hey, Lehnsherr. I heard my cousin dumped you for some college boy. Is that true?

Erik rolls his eyes at Hank’s remark. “Hey Hank. I heard you have big hairy feet and fur. Is that true?”

Hank grins. “Yep, really cute. Like a little monkey.”

“I need to talk to Charles. Alone.”  
  
Hank looks at Charles, who gives him a small nod of reassurance, before he continues running around the track. 

Erik turns towards Charles and clears his throat. 

“Look I just want to say that I appreciate it, but it’s never gonna happen.”  
  
Confused, Charles scoffs and asks, “What are you talking about?”

Erik pulls out a letter from his pocket. “From what I remember, that kiss was hot and all and I think it’s really cool that you think I have silver specks in my eyes. It’s just Magda and I are in a really weird place and-”  
  
But Charles doesn’t hear what he says. His eyes zero in on the letter currently in the hands of one Erik Lehnsherr. It’s a love letter. His love letter. 

_Oh god_

The last thing Charles hears is, “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” before the ground starts spinning and everything turns black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr: cherik-123  
> 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my lovely beta readers:  
> @g33kyclassic  
> @kyoharu_alexeis

Charles is in the meadow again, which doesn’t quite make sense considering he could have sworn he was just in gym class. He looks around hesitantly, before spotting a figure across the field. He walks closer and sees it’s Erik. 

_Wait_

“Erik?”

Erik turns around and looks at him with a concerned look on his face. “Are you OK?” His voice sounds weird and echoey. 

“What’s happening?”  
  
Erik steps closer and shakes his shoulder gently. “Charles wake up!”

Suddenly, the meadow disappears and Charles slowly opens his eyes. _Oh. It was just another dream_. 

Erik is kneeling over Charles on the track and grabs his hands, helping him into a sitting position. 

“What happened?” Charles asks, still dazed and sort of lightheaded.

“You fainted,” Erik states. He puts his hand on Charles’ back, helping him stay up while quickly scanning over him and looking for any noticeable injuries. “Are you OK? Do you want me to get you some water?”

“No, I’m OK. Thanks though.” Charles rubs his face and tries to jog his memory of what happened. 

When he opens his eyes and looks up, he’s filled with dread as the last few minutes suddenly come back to him. Not only does he see his love letter, still clutched in Erik’s hand, he sees Alex walking towards them with a similar looking letter in his hand. 

“Oh my god.”

  
  
“What? What’s wrong?” Erik asks, confused and concerned.

Charles pays him no attention and focuses solely on the fact that Alex has his letter and now knows his feelings towards him.

“Oh _bloody hell!_ ”

Charles’ brain is instantly flooded with memories of him, Alex, and Moira. Before he knows what he’s doing, he grabs Erik and flips him onto his back on the track. 

“Charles, wha-?”

Charles leans over him and kisses him, crashing their lips together in sheer panic. Alex’s eyes widen at the scene and he stops dead in his tracks.

Charles doesn’t really know how long the kiss lasts. The amount of adrenaline coursing through his body was enough to power an engine. But, it was long enough for Erik to catch his bearings and start to kiss him back, winding his arms slightly around Charles’ back. _That_ was something Charles would have to deal with later on. 

“Xavier!”  
  


Charles breaks off the kiss and looks up to see their gym teacher glaring at them across the field. 

“Xavier cut that out! That’s 2 more laps for you.”

  
Charles snaps back to reality and realizes what he’s done. He looks down at a disheveled and confused Erik. 

Charles leaps off of Erik in one quick and panicked motion. “Thank you.” 

Before Erik can reply, Charles runs off the field, past an even more confused looking Alex.

“Charles!” Alex shouts, but it doesn’t matter. Charles runs straight into the school and into the boys bathroom. He locks himself in a stall, closes his eyes, and tries to take deep breaths, wishing this was all a dream. 

He hears someone come in and crosses his fingers, hoping it was just a random student. The footsteps get closer until they stop right outside the door and he hears a knock on the door.

“Charles are you in there?”  
  


“No,” Charles replies, not thinking clearly.

He sees a letter slide under the door addressed to Armando Muñoz and cusses under his breath, not wanting to deal with another crisis. His letter to Armando, better known as “Darwin” was prompted by their 7th grade formal, where they spent the entire night dancing and laughing together. Charles then proceeded to turn their one night together into a full blown crush. It was short-lived, but intense nonetheless. 

“Look, I'm sorry for barging in on you,” Darwin says. “I saw you run in here and I wanted to make sure you were OK.”  
  
Charles shakily picks up the letter from the ground and clutches it to his chest.

“I thought you might want that letter back. It seemed kind of personal.” 

Charles exhales and walks out of the stall. “I’m not weirdly obsessed with you I swear! I wrote this letter ages ago.”

“Seventh grade formal right? I had a lot of fun that night, too. But I feel like I should tell you, you know I’m ace right?”  
  
Charles did not. “Yes!” He says awkwardly. “Of course I did… I do. Yep.”

“Just don’t tell anyone. I’m not ashamed or anything, it’s just…”  
  
“High school?” Charles supplies and Darwin nods. They share a smile and a mutual understanding of sorts. 

* * *

  
The rest of the day passes by in a blur. All Charles can think about is how exposed he feels, like everyone knows his secrets. He has his letters for a reason. They let him pour his heart out so he doesn’t have to do it in real life. It’s a perfect system. Well, it _was_ a perfect system. 

And now it’s all ruined. Somehow, the letters were sent out. How, Charles has no clue, considering no one else knows about them besides him. This wasn’t how his junior year was supposed to go. He was supposed to stay in his own bubble and focus on his classes, not deal with a major romantic crisis. 

Charles doesn’t remember much of the drive home, too preoccupied with his own thoughts. Raven looks at him with a weird expression during the car ride, but Charles doesn’t have the mind space to try and decipher it. 

The second he stops the car, he sprints inside the house and up the grand staircase. He reaches his bedroom in record time and when he flings open the doors to his walk-in closet, his eyes widen in panic. He feels like he’s about to have a heart attack.

The teal hat box is gone.

_The letters are gone_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To All The Boys I've Loved Before 2: P.S. I Still Love You just came out on Netflix and i'm still deciding whether I want to make this a series and do the rest of the trilogy. 
> 
> If you have any ideas or thoughts, I'd love to hear them!
> 
> Thanks for reading


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my lovely beta readers:  
> @g33kyclassic  
> @kyoharu_alexeis

Charles sprints through the entire west wing like a man on a mission, ransacking every room trying to locate his hat box and, more importantly, his letters. With each unsuccessful search, the pounding in his heart grows until he can no longer bear it. He finally gives up and runs to his father’s office, flinging open the door and panting heavily.

“Dad have you seen a teal hat box? It’s round and has a ribbon around it and it was in my closet. Mom gave it to me and it’s very important.” The words fly out of his mouth a mile a minute. 

Brian looks up from his desk. “Wow. No ‘Hi Dad! How was work today?’”

Charles impatiently taps his foot at his father’s rambling. “Dad, I really need to know where this hat box is.”  
  


Brian shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe it went out with the goodwill boxes last week.”  
  


Charles’ heart stops. “Th-the goodwill boxes?” He has a flashback to him and Raven cleaning out their rooms and piling their extra clothes and knick-knacks into boxes for donating. 

Charles shakes his head in utter disbelief. “No, no. This cannot be happening.”

Before Charles can run out of the room, Brian picks up a letter from his desk and hands it to Charles. “Hey, you got some mail.”

Charles snatches the letter from Brian’s hand. It’s addressed to Warren Worthington III, the boy from camp who Charles liked and subsequently wrote a letter to after he saved a kid from drowning in the lake. Before he can freak out again, he sees that it’s labeled “return to sender.” He shakily lets out a small breath he didn’t even realize he was holding before running out of the office and back to his room. 

He slams the door shut with a frustrated yell. “I hate everything!”

* * *

Charles paces around his room, nervously biting on his fingernail and trying to arrange his thoughts. 

_OK Charles. The letters are out. The letters are out and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it._

_Bollocks._

Thankfully, Warren’s letter was addressed to their summer camp and not his house, saving Charles one less emergency to deal with. He stops pacing and starts running his hand through his hair, a habit he adopted long ago from his mother. 

“You really oughta relax Charles.”  
  


He spins around instantly and sees Alex standing in front of the french doors that open to his bedroom balcony. It’s not the real Alex of course. It’s his fake Alex, a figment of Charles’ imagination he keeps in his head to talk to. A memory of the Alex he used to know before all of his drama and emotions got involved. He finds that most of the time, it’s easier to talk to a daydream than the real thing. 

Charles ignores him and sits on the chaise lounge in front of his bed. Fake Alex grins and walks towards him. “Come on. I know you love me.”  
  


“Loved. Past tense. Your Moira’s.”

Alex sits on the bed behind him and starts reciting his love letter. 

“Dear Alex, I liked you first. By all rights, you should be mine and we should be together. I lie awake at night and imagine gazing into your eyes and running my hands through your hair-”

Charles winces and closes his eyes. “Shut up!” He cuts off his daydream. “You’re not real.” 

Fake Alex walks towards the windows and looks out. “I’m more real to you than he is.” 

Charles looks outside and sees the real Alex walking towards their front entrance. In an instant, Charles panics again, not prepared for a confrontation with him. He grabs his wallet and runs out of his room, taking a hidden passageway to avoid running into anyone. When he finally gets outside, Charles grabs his bike. Full of adrenaline, he starts pedaling, no clear plan in sight. 

* * *

After what seems like forever, Charles finally arrives at his favorite cafe. He parks his bike out front and heads inside, hoping he will find a well-needed distraction. He sits at the counter and orders a cup of hot tea, his favorite comfort drink. One of the reasons he loves this cafe so much is their amazing variety of food and tea. He takes a sip of drink, a nice oolong blend, and closes his eyes, trying to relax. He hears someone next to him clear their throat, causing him to blearily open his eyes and look for the person who interrupted his attempted-mediation. He turns to his left and sees none other than Erik Lehnsherr. 

“Hey Xavier!” Erik gives him a small wave but Charles looks away and keeps his eyes trained forward, hoping that he’ll go away.

The nice waitress who gave Charles his tea returns and puts her hand on his shoulder before looking at Erik. “Oh hello!” She turns to Charles. “Anything for your friend?”

  
  
Charles frantically shakes his head. “He’s not with me.”  
  


Erik smiles at the waitress. “I’ll have a chocolate milkshake please.”  
  


The waitress nods and heads to the kitchen. Charles gulps and decides he might as well get this conversation over with.

“Erik, what are you doing here?”

“I’m just here to try one of their famous kosher milkshakes.”

“Cool. Cool.” 

“Actually, I went to your house and your sister said you would be here.” Erik turns in his chair to fully face Charles and clears his throat. “Look, I just want to be super clear. I’m really flattered but Magda and I just broke up and I don’t think it would be a great idea to-”  
  
  
Charles furrows his brow and cuts him off. “Are you trying to reject me right now?”

“Yeah I mean it didn’t really seem like it took the first time so…”  
  
“Erik I’m not trying to date you.”

“Well you’re saying this now but then the whole thing on the track happened.”  
  


Before Charles can reply, the waitress comes back and gives Erik his milkshake. He smiles and takes the glass. “Thank you,” he pauses to look at the waitresses’ name tag, “Karen.”

Charles takes a deep breath. “OK, so here’s the thing. I’m not interested in you. I had to make it look like we were together so I could convince someone else that I didn’t like them.”  
  


“Oh ok. Who?” Erik asks. 

“What?”  
  


“You have to tell me who this mystery guy is or I’m going to think that you’re secretly obsessed with me and have a tattoo of my face on your ass.”  
  


“If I tell you will you leave me alone?”

Erik nods.

“Um, it’s Alex Summers.”  
  


“Wait hold on. Alex Summers? Isn’t that guy dating your sister?”

“Well he dated her. Past tense. And he also got a letter so you can see how awkward and complicated it will be if he thinks that I like him-”  
  
Erik cuts him off. “Woah woah woah stop. I am not the only guy who got a letter?” Charles shakes his head. “Wow you really think that you’re special and then you find out he wrote letters to 2 guys.”

“I actually wrote 5 letters so don’t feel too special.”  
  


Erik laughs. “You wrote 5 letters? Damn Xavier. You’re a player.”  
  


Charles impatiently runs his hand through his hair. “Look are we done here? We’ve cleared everything up, everything’s cool.”  
  
Erik nods and Charles exhales a sigh of relief. “Great. See you at school.”  
  
Charles gets his things and gets up from the counter. Before he can leave, Erik grabs his arm. “Wait. Is that bike out front your ride?”  
  


“Yep,” Charles says, not knowing where Erik is going with the conversation.

“Do you want a ride?”  
  
Charles weighs his options, wondering which one was worse. He could either bike all the way home and exhaust himself, or get a ride from the guy who just found out he used to be in love with him. 

Charles grimaces and sighs. 

“Sure.”

* * *

  
  
Charles sits in the passenger seat of Erik’s Jeep, clutching his jacket to his chest like a safety blanket and counting down the seconds until they reach his house. Finally, they reach the gate of the Xavier Mansion, prompting Charles to bolt out of the car and enter the code before jumping back into the car. Erik waits for the gates to open and then starts down the driveway.

“You know, somehow I forgot you were rich.”  
  


“I don’t like to talk about it. It makes people act weird around me, always asking for things or treating me like I’m some sort of spoiled brat.”  
  


Erik pulls up in front of the mansion and parks his car. “Well I don’t think you’re a spoiled brat.”  
  
“Thanks. And sorry for jumping you on the track.”  
  


“Could have been worse, right?” Erik says with a grin.

“Yeah…” 

“So what are you going to say Summers?”  
  
Charles shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess the truth.”  
  
“Well what is the truth? Do you like him? Do you not like him? What’s the deal?”  
  
“It’s not your problem Erik.” Charles unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door. “Thanks for the ride.”  
  
Charles grabs his bike from the trunk and starts heading towards the front door. Erik watches him go, before he’s suddenly hit with an idea. He jumps out of his car and grabs Charles’ bike, causing Charles to stop and turn around in confusion.

“Hey hold on.” Erik pauses for a second to arrange his thoughts. “What if you didn’t tell him?”  
  
Charles tilts his head in confusion. “What?”

“What if we let people think that we’re actually dating? Just for a little while. And not just Summers, everyone.”  
  


“Why would you want that?”  
  
“I want a clean break from Magda and you don’t want Summers to think you’re into him. It’s a win-win situation.”

“Oh. So you want to use me as your pawn.”  
  
“Well technically you used me as your pawn first, when you jumped me on the track so…”

_Touché_

Charles looks Erik square in the eyes. “Erik, I don’t want to be your real boyfriend much less your fake boyfriend.” He gives him a smile and continues walking towards the front entrance, hoping the conversation is over and he can go back to his life. 

“Come on! You don’t have to give me an answer now. Just think about it!” 

“Yep. I wouldn’t hold your breath” Charles yells back before opening the door and heading inside.

* * *

  


Charles lies on the floor in his bedroom, trying to think of what he’s going to say to Alex. He checks his phone and sees 4 missed calls, all from Alex. He sighs and looks to his left, where he sees his daydream Alex lying down next to him. 

“Will you just call me Charles? There’s so much I want to talk to you about. Dates we can go on. Music I want to share. Tattoos we can get together.”  
  
Charles shuts his eyes. “Stop it. Go away. This cannot happen.”  
  
“But we’d be so great together.”

Before Charles can reply, he hears a voice next to him. “Oh my god shut up.”  
  
He looks to his right and sees Erik next to him. Charles pursues his lips, not sure of why his subconscious decided to create a daydream version of Erik as well.

Daydream Erik smiles at Charles. “It’s a cool trick, right? Making him go away.” Charles looks to his left and sees that fake Alex is finally gone. His eyes widen and he hears Erik say, “Want to see me do it again?”  
  
Charles abruptly sits up as his realization hits him like a train. _Erik makes him stop thinking of Alex for some reason. Fake dating Erik could help him get over Alex once and for all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really enjoying writing this fic so hopefully my chapter updates won’t take that long. I have so many ideas and things planned I can’t wait.
> 
> If you have any comments or ideas I’d love to hear them.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my lovely beta readers:  
> @g33kyclassic  
> @kyoharu_alexeis

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, the varsity lacrosse team holds morning practice on the football field. This is how Charles knows where to find Erik, hoping they can talk before he changes his mind. He walks straight down the field towards Erik, parting the players like the red sea. He shakes his head slightly, trying to quell his nervous thoughts, before calling out to Erik. 

“Oi! Erik”  
  
Erik takes off his goalie helmet and walks up to Charles. “What?” He asks breathlessly.

“Let’s do this.”

Erik smiles and perks up a bit, quickly looking around before he steps even closer to Charles and grabs his waist, pulling him into a kiss. Charles’ eyes snap shut and he makes a small noise of surprise. He puts his hand on Erik’s chest and feels Erik pull him in closer. A few seconds pass before Charles remembers that they’re kissing in the middle of the football field and he pulls back. Erik licks his lips and smirks at the dumbfounded expression on Charles’ face. 

Charles clears his throat, acutely aware of the fact that the entire lacrosse team was staring at them. “I’m going to calculus. Have a nice day.”  
  
Erik chuckles. “Yeah.”  
  
Charles turns around and awkwardly stumbles off the field, unsure of what the hell just happened.

* * *

  
After school, Charles and Erik meet up in one of their school’s private gardens. They sit down at one of the picnic benches, with Charles taking out a notebook and Erik lounging next to him.

Charles clasps his hands together. “OK first things first, we need to make a contract so we’re on the same page about the rules of our agreement.”  
  


Erik makes a face. “Rules? Contracts? Scheisse, you really know how to zap the fun out of a situation.”

“It’s important for us to know where we stand on certain issues so we don’t make each other uncomfortable.”

“OK like what?”  
  


“Well I don’t want you to kiss me anymore.”  
  


Erik scoffs in disbelief. “Are you insane? Who’s going to believe we’re in a relationship if I can’t kiss you?”  
  
“You might be the James Dean of this kind of stuff but I've never been in a relationship before.”  
  
Erik rolls his eyes. “Mein gott. You have the references of an 80-year-old grandmother. And why does it matter?”  
  
“I don’t want all of my firsts to be fake. If I'm going to be snogging someone and going on dates, I want it to be for real.”

“But you kissed me first.”  
  
Charles falters for a second. “Sorry but this is non-negotiable.”

Erik groans. “Fine. But we need to think of something else. People are going to get suspicious really quickly if I never touch or kiss you.”

“OK point taken.” Charles brainstorms for a bit. “How does this sound? You can put your hand in my back pocket.”

Erik looks confused. “My hand in your back pocket? What the hell is that?”  
  


“ _Sixteen Candles?_ John Hughes? It’s a thing couples do.”  
  
“Yeah maybe in the 60s.”  
  
“Erik _Sixteen Candles_ was made in the 80s. Have you even seen it?”  
  


Erik shrugs and shakes his head. 

“Wow OK. Next rule: you have to watch _Sixteen Candles_ with me because it’s a bloody classic. And, we can never tell anyone that this relationship is fake. It would be way too humiliating. Agree?”  
  
Erik nods his head. “Of course. It’s the first rule of _Fight Club_.”  
  


Charles tilts his head in confusion. “What?”  
  
“Are you kidding me? How have you never seen _Fight Club_ ? Oh my god you have to write that down and make it a double feature. I’ll watch your _Candles_ movie with you if you watch _Fight Club_ with me.”

Charles writes anything down before asking, “Anything else?”  
  


Erik thinks for a second. “I could talk to you in German and write you notes everyday.”

“You would do that?”  
  
“Yeah. I mean, Magda was always bugging me about writing her notes and stuff and I never did, so if I do it with you, she’ll get the message that it’s over.”  
  


“How romantic.”  
  
“Also, you have to come with me to parties and go to my lacrosse games.”  
  


“Well then you have to drive me and my sister to school everyday.”

“OK. But you’re coming with me on the ski trip.”

_Whoa_

The end of the year ski trip was infamous for being the location where more students lost their virginity than prom, homecoming, and senior week combined. Charles has never gone before. Obviously.

“Um Erik, that trip is almost three months away. How long are we going to be doing this?”  
  


“Let’s call it a contingency. If by then we’re still together, then you have to go with me. No person in their right mind would let their partner go on that trip without them.”

Charles is 100% certain that by the time the ski trip comes around, he and Erik will be ancient history. And that is the only reason he says, “OK. Deal.”

They both sign their names on the contract and shake hands, neither of them fully aware of what they’ve gotten themselves into. 

* * *

“Raven hurry up. We’re going to be late.” Charles yells behind him as he buzzes the front gate open and walks through the front door. 

“Charles you know I hate taking the bus. When are you going to man up and start driving?”

“Actually-” A car honk interrupts him mid-sentence. Charles looks down the allée and sees Erik’s jeep driving towards the mansion before coming to a stop in front of the fountain. Erik gets out and stands in the door of the car, poking his head over the car before shouting

“Hey! Are you guys ready?”  
  
“Oh hell yes!” Raven laughs in disbelief and runs to the car.

“Bloody hell Raven slow down.You’re going to slip and fall.” But Raven pays no mind to Charles’ mothering and virtually jumps into the backseat of the car. 

Charles hesitantly walks towards the car, heart beating with uncertainty about what he was about to walk into. He finally reaches the passenger side door and takes a quick deep breath before opening it and sliding into the seat. He gives a quick smile to Erik, who smiles back, and buckles his seat belt, hugging his backpack to his chest. 

Erik turns around in his seat towards Raven. “Hey! It’s Raven right?” Raven nods. “What’ve you got there?” He asks, gesturing to the drink in her hand.

“Ribena. It’s a black currant drink.”  
  
“I’ve never heard of it.”  
  
“It’s from Britain. We order it specially. I usually don’t drink it but Charles can’t get enough of it-”  
  
Charles snatches the drink from her hand and cuts her off, trying to avoid any further embarrassment. “Raven make sure you buckle your seat belt.”  
  
Raven buckles her seat belt and gives Erik a quizzical look. “So how exactly do you know my brother again?”  
  


Erik chuckles a little and answers, “Well I guess I’m his boyfriend,” causing Raven to gasp and Charles, who was currently taking a sip of Ribena, to choke. Erik, trying to hide the smirk from his face, grabs the bottle from Charles’ hand and takes a quick sip before turning back to Raven, whose jaw was still wide open.

“This is really good. What do I have to do to get you to bring me one of these tomorrow?”

“You’re driving us again?”  
  
“Yeah of course.”  
  
Raven grins. “I can bring you as many as you’d like!”

Erik leans over to Charles with a grin one might describe as shark-like and playfully whispers, “Progress!” before leaning back into his seat and starting the car.

* * *

Like a scene ripped right out of _Sixteen Candles_ , Charles and Erik walk through the hallway, Erik’s hand nestled in the back pocket of Charles’ jeans. Students, including Magda, who was giving them a death stare, look at them as they walk past, but Charles doesn’t pay them any attention, too wrapped up in his own anxiety. 

_It’s strange,_ he thought. He was used to being invisible. But now, people were looking at him, talking about him, and he didn’t know how to feel about that. Charles was soon ripped out of his thoughts when Erik gripped his hand in Charles’ pocket and yanked it around, causing Charles to spin around and into Erik’s chest. Erik looks down at Charles and grins before reaching into his pocket and taking out a folded piece of paper and whispering, “Good job.” Charles takes the note and looks up at him, giving him a semi-convincing smile. 

_What am I doing?_ Charles thinks, walking into his classroom. 

* * *

Charles and Erik sit next to each other during lunch. Erik and his friends chat and joke but Charles tunes them out. He can sense Magda staring at them again, but he can’t bring himself to care at the moment. All that’s on his mind is Alex. He saw Alex earlier in the hallway, watching them with a gobsmacked expression on his face, but he couldn’t talk to him. That was a crisis for another day. 

“Schatz?” 

No response. The German endearments were going to take a while to get used to. 

“Charles?”  
  


“Hmm?” Charles replies, turning towards Erik.

“Are you alright? You seem lost.”  
  
Charles clears his throat and gives a quick smile. “Yes sorry. I zoned out there for a bit.”  
  


“I can tell you’re stressed. You’ve been running your hand through your hair non-stop since we got to school. At the rate you’re going, you’re going to go bald by senior year.”  
  
Charles smacks Erik against his arm. “Don’t be an arse. And don’t say such awful things about my hair.”  
  
Erik rolls his eyes and leans forward. He grabs Charles’ hand and starts tracing the lines on his palm.

“Quit it,” Charles says. “You’re creeping me out.”  
  
Erik feigns a hurt look on his face. “People love it when I do that.”  
  
“No actually Magda loves it. And to be quite honest, she probably pretends to love it. You know now that I think about it…” but Charles cuts off. His entire brain malfunctions the second he spots Alex walking into the cafeteria. They make eye contact. Alex looks rather melancholy and Charles isn’t sure how that makes him feel, isn’t sure whether he’s the cause of his sadness or not. Charles opens his mouth slightly, debating whether he should call out or not, but Alex leaves before he can make a decision. 

_Bugger_

Charles abruptly stands up and manages to spit out, “I need to go do something. I’ll see you later or something… Yeah.”

“Charles wait-” but he’s already gone.

* * *

One can deal with stress in many ways. Some like to make crafts. Some like to exercise. Charles thinks tea is the best remedy for stress. 

The Xavier family has lived in Westchester for years, plenty of time for them to assimilate into American culture. But Charles cherishes his British roots, clinging to the culture and familiarity of his home, or what was once his home. Hence, his accent and vernacular (Raven, Moira, and Brian have no accents left whatsoever) and tendency towards British past-times. He’s currently enjoying said tea in his claw-foot bathtub, which is filled to the brim with bubbles. The calming silence is interrupted when his phone starts to ring. 

Charles reaches his arm out, grabbing blindly for his phone before finally picking it up and answering the call.

“Hello?” He asks blearily.

“Charles!”  
  
“Hank? What is it?”  
  
“You and Lehnsherr? I can’t believe it. How could you not tell me?”  
  


“Hank please stop shouting.”

“Sorry. But you have to admit this whole situation is rather ridiculous. How did it happen? When did it start? Tell me everything. Oooh wait! I can finally cross off ‘having a relationship’ from our joint bucket list.”

  
Charles sighs. “Hank, I love you but I think i’ll go mad if I explain everything right now. It’s been a long day and you know how badly I respond to stress. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow I promise.”  
  


“Alright. But I expect the full story tomorrow. And make sure you don’t stay in the tub for too long. Erik would hate for your skin to get all pruny,” Hank jokes before ending the call.

Charles sighs and throws his phone onto the wooden tray that lays across the bathtub. He closes his eyes, leaning his head back. 

“What was that?”

Charles’ eyes snap open. He looks across the bathroom and sees fake Alex leaning against the marble counter top.

“Ugh you’re the last thing I need right now. Can’t you see I'm trying to relax?  
  


“It doesn’t seem to be working very well. What’s the matter? You have that little crinkle you get between your eyebrows when you’ve been thinking too hard.”

“It’s just been a stressful couple of days.”  
  
“Well maybe I can help. I would hate for something to happen to you or that dashing head of yours.”  
  
Charles winces and whispers, “Don’t.”

“I can keep you company,” Alex continues. “God knows you need some of that.”  
  


‘I don’t think talking to you will improve my stress levels or mental health. And don’t you think it’s rather inappropriate to watch someone as they bathe?”  
  
“Well it would be if I was real. But as it happens, I’m a figment of your imagination.”

_Christ maybe I am going insane,_ Charles thinks. Sometimes it’s hard for him to remember that he’s talking to a daydream and not the real thing, not the real Alex. Probably not a good sign concerning his mental state but that was a different issue for a different time.

“Besides Charles, there’s so many bubbles, I can barely see your gorgeous face much less your nether regions,” fake Alex says playfully. 

“Just go away!” But Alex doesn’t budge. He simply gives Charles a smile, a smile Charles can’t quite understand but desperately wishes he could. He groans and slides down the tub, submerging himself into the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys long time no see :)
> 
> I hope you're all safe and staying indoors.
> 
> Sorry for the late update. In the notes of my last chapter I said my posts would be frequent and then I disappeared for a month so my bad. I temporarily lost both my motivation and the time to write but I'm back now and back on a decent writing schedule. Thanks for reading!
> 
> My tumblr: cherik-123


	6. Chapter 6

That Friday, Charles goes to his first ever football game-American football that is. He never had even the slightest interest in it and still doesn’t. Charles and Erik are sitting high up on the stands, and as far as Charles can tell, there’s not a lot to see-just a lot of waiting and not a lot of action.

Charles checks his watch, a Rolex his mother had given him that he never takes off, and sighs, hoping the game would end by 10pm. He’s in the middle of yawning when Erik suddenly throws his arm around him, causing him to choke. Down below, Magda is dancing and shaking her pom-poms with the rest of the cheer leading squad. When she sees Charles and Erik, she stops for a couple seconds before starting the next cheer, eyes blazing. Charles looks up at Erik, silently pleading for him to release his death grip, before looking back to the field. After what seems like forever, Erik drops his arm and clears his throat.

“Remy is having a party tonight. Wanna go?”

Charles doesn’t even know who Remy is. He yawns again, making it extra big for emphasis. “No. Um I’m really tired. So… no thanks. Can you just drop me off on the way there?”

Erik gives him a look but doesn’t say anything.  
  
On the way back, they pass by the cafe when Erik suddenly says, “I’m starving. Do you want to stop and get something?”  
  


Charles replies, “Sure, I can eat.”

Erik turns the car around and heads back to the cafe. 

* * *

They get a booth up front. Whenever Charles used to come to the cafe with Moira and Alex, they would get a booth in the back and spend all of their pocket change on the jukebox. _It’s weird to be here without them_ , Charles thinks.

Their waitress is Karen, who eyes Erik as she sets down the menus. “Where are your friends?” She asks Charles.

“Moira is in Scotland for college, and Alex… isn’t here.” Which Erik rolls his eyes at.

Erik orders a milkshake and scrambled eggs and Charles gets tea and fish and chips. When Karen leaves to put in their orders, Charles, attempting to small talk, asks, “Are eggs kosher?”  
  


“Most are. But I don’t keep kosher all of the time. I just eat it at home and then whenever I can outside of that. Usually it’s pretty hard to find kosher food unless you go to a specialty restaurant.”  
  
Charles nods his head “Oh OK.” 

A couple minutes later, Karen returns with their plates. They start eating, an almost comfortable silence resting between them. 

Erik steals one of the fries from Charles’ plate. “So who else?”  
  


“Pardon?”  
  
“Who else got a letter?”  
  
“That’s private.”  
  


“What? I’m just curious. I mean I know I’m number one but I want to know who else made the cut,” he says playfully.

Charles scoffs. “Fine if you really want to know. Alex, you, Warren-”  
  


Erik snorts. “Warren? That’s a pretentious name if I’ve ever heard one. Who’s he?”  
  
Charles props his elbows on the table and rests his chin on his hands. “A boy I met at sleepaway camp. He was the best swimmer and saved a kid from drowning once. He swam out to the middle of the lake before any of the lifeguards even noticed anything was wrong. It was amazing.”  
  
“So what’d he say when he got the letter?”  
  
“Nothing, thank god. It was sent back as ‘return to sender.’”

“Okay, who’s next?”

Charles takes a bite out of one of the pieces of fish. “Darwin.”  
  
“What did he say?”  
  


“He returned it to me unopened. I’m sure it’s because he’s a gentleman and didn’t want to embarrass me by reading it.” Charles gives him a meaningful look, hoping he gets the message of ‘unlike some people.’

“All right, all right.” Erik takes a sip from his milkshake and leans back. “That’s only four. Who’s the fifth?”  
  


“James Howlett,” Charles replies, surprised that he’s been keeping count.

Erik’s eyes widen. “Howlett? When did you like him?”  
  
“Eighth grade.”

“I thought you liked me in eighth grade! Your letter said it was after that party for eighth grade homecoming.”

_How much of my letter does he remember ?_ Charles wonders.  
  


“There may have been a bit of an overlap. Once during gym class, he and I had to pick up all of the cones on the football field and it started to rain. It was really romantic to me at the time.”  
  


“Did anything actually happen between you two? Or were you just standing out in the rain picking up cones?”  
  


“What is this, an interrogation?” Charles sighs, “But to answer your question, no nothing happened. You wouldn’t understand though.”  
  
“So his letter was sent to his old house?”  
  
“Probably. I mean I never heard anything back from him.” Charles takes a long sip from his tea.

“Why do you sound so sad about it?”

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this but I think James matters the most to me out of all the boys I've written letters to. Sorry to burst your bubble. It’s just, I thought we were getting close and then he moved away so abruptly. He either never got my letter or he did, and…” He shrugs and looks down at his lap. “I’ve just always wondered how he turned out.”

“We should call him and find out.”

Charles’ head snaps up. “You have his phone number?”  
  
Erik pulls out his cell phone. “Yeah. Let’s call him right now and see how he’s doing.”  
  
“No!” Charles yelps. He tries to grab the phone away from him but Erik is too quick and holds it up high out of his reach. “Don’t call him!”  
  
“Why not? What are you so afraid of? That he doesn’t remember you?” Something changes in his face, like he was suddenly struck with a realization. “Or that he does?”

Charles shakes his head.

“That’s it.” Erik nods to himself and leans back in the booth. Charles doesn’t like the way Erik’s looking at him, like he’s figured him out. Charles kicks him in the shin, causing him to drop his phone, which Charles then catches. He hears Erik grumble to himself but he ignores him and copies James’ number into his phone. 

He hands the phone back to Erik, who gives him another look. “I’ll call him when I feel like it, not because you feel like it.”

Of course, Charles is never going to call James, but Erik doesn’t need to know that.

* * *

  
  


“So what do you do for fun? Other than slapping around a ball with large metal sticks?” 

Charles and Erik sit across from each other on the floor of the library, their backs against the wall of the reference section no one ever uses. It’s after school, so the library is empty except for a couple students scattered around the tables.  
  
Erik looks up from his history textbook and says rather bluntly, “I love how you talk. It’s so fascinating, like there’s a little old lady trapped inside your body.”  
  
“I’ll have you know, plenty of people find me and the way that I talk incredibly charming. I’ve been told the accent is somewhat of a factor,” Charles says.

“You know, I’ve always wanted to ask you. Why do you have an accent? You’ve lived here for as long as I can remember.”  
  
“Well I don’t really know. I was born in England and lived there for a majority of my early childhood. By the time we moved here, I think it was stuck. But don’t change the subject. What do you do for fun?”

Erik closes his textbook and throws it aside. “I read, I like horror movies, I play chess-”  
  
“You play chess?” Charles asks. 

“Yeah. My mother taught me and I volunteer at the middle school chess club. Why, do you?”  
  
“I’ve played it all my life.”  
  
“Are you any good? I don’t think I can waste my skills on a second-rate player, even for you schatz.”  
  
“I’ve only lost 2 games so I’d say I’m probably better than you.” Charles says with a smirk.

“I’ve lost 3 so I’d say we’re matched. For now.”  
  


“Is that a challenge Lehnsherr?”

Erik leans forward. “That depends. Are you up for it?”  
  
“You bet your ass I am. I can’t wait to wipe that grin off your face.”

Erik smiles. “You’re on.” He pushes away from the wall and puts his head in Charles’ lap, causing him to go completely still.

“Are you ok? You’re in a strange mood today.”  
  
Erik raises an eyebrow at him and asks, “What kind of mood?”

“I don’t know. Less scary. More human-like.”

Erik laughs and closes his eyes before snuggling against Charles. “Dare I say, this tin-man may have finally found his heart?” He says in a bad British accent.

Charles rolls his eyes. “That was horrible.” Suddenly, he gives a fake gasp. “Wait, I know what happened! You finally took out that stick from up your ass!”

“Wanna check?”  
  
Charles suddenly realizes what they were doing and shuts down almost immediately. “Don’t flirt,” he says, hitting him in the shoulder lightly.  
  
His eyes fly open. “I wasn’t.”  
  
Charles pushes his head off of his lap and starts to gather his things, trying to make his voice sound normal. “Whatever you say.” He stands up and offers his hand to Erik, who grabs it and pulls himself up. “But c’mon we should go.” 

* * *

  
This week, Charles volunteered to bake 5 dozen mini cupcakes for Raven’s school bake sale. Moira used to bake them every year, but now that she’s gone, it’s Charles’ responsibility. Moira used to make brownies but Charles decided to change it up a bit, add a little more pizzazz with cute little cupcakes.  
  


He’s on his eighth cup of flour and second box of mini cupcake liners when he realizes that cupcakes were a mistake. With brownies, you can just pour them in the pan, bake, and then cut them out and you're done. Cupcakes require way more time and effort than Charles was willing to put in. 

Charles is about to start mixing the batter for the second batch when the alert for the front gate goes off. “Raven! Go get the front gate!”

“You’re closer!” She calls back.  
  
“I’m currently elbows deep into cupcake batter for YOUR bake sale. So unless you want me to stop and make you bake them instead, I suggest you get the bloody gate.”

He hears Raven grumble and run to the front door. She buzzes open the front gate before running back to wherever she came from. 

“Thank you!”  
  
A couple minutes later the front doorbell rings. Charles sighs and runs to the door, flinging it open. 

It’s Erik, who proceeds to burst into laughter.

“You’re covered in flour,” he manages to choke out before dusting off Charles’ cheeks with the backs of his hand.

Charles twists away from him and wipes his face with his apron. “What are you doing here?”  
  
“Did you not read my note? I’m taking you to Sean’s party.”

“No sorry. I forgot.” Erik frowns and Charles adds, “I can’t go anyways. I have to bake cupcakes for Raven’s bake sale.”  
  


“Is this for the 8th grade bake sale?” Erik brushes past him and starts taking off his shoes.

  
“Yeah,” Charles replies. “Is your mom making anything for Anya?” Anya is Erik’s little sister. She’s just about Raven’s age, give or take a couple of months.  
  
“Rugelach.”  
  
“Look, sorry you came over for nothing. Maybe next time,” Charles says, expecting Erik to put his shoes back on and leave.

But he doesn’t. He wanders into the kitchen and sits at the island. “How long is this gonna take?”

“I don’t know. Hours, probably.”  
  
Erik groans. “Don’t you have servants or something that can do this for you?”  
  


Charles knows it’s a joke but stiffens a little. This is why he doesn’t like people over at his house. 

Erik must notice because his tone of voice changes. “Sorry. I forgot.”  
  
Charles gives a quick nod and focuses his attention back on the batter. Erik hops off his chair and comes up to Charles. He slides his hands around his waist and tries to untie his apron strings. 

Charles stares at him. “Wh-What are you doing?”

Erik stares at him like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “If I’m going to help, I need an apron. I don’t want my clothes to get all messy.” 

Charles looks at him apprehensively. “Do you even know how to bake? Because baking is a science and I don’t want you to ruin them-”  
  
“Yes I know how to bake! I help my mom out all the time. Just hurry up and give me a task.”  
  
“Fine.” But before Charles can give him instructions, his father walks into the kitchen.

“Hey! Is that Erik Lehnsherr?” Erik laughs. “Little Erik Lehnsherr, you’re as tall as me now!”

“It’s good to see you again, Dr. Xavier.” Erik leans forward and offers his hand to Brian, who shakes it. 

“You can call me Brian.”

“I’m just here to pick up Charles and take him to a little get together. The parents are home and I’ll make sure to get him home early. Is it alright if we go?”  
  
Brian says, “Yes!” at the exact time Charles says, “Nope!” causing Erik to make an exasperated face at him. 

“I can’t go,” Charles says, shaking his head. “I have to finish these cupcakes.”  
  
Brian walks over to Charles and pats him on the shoulder. “I think Raven and I can handle some cupcakes. Why don’t you go out and have some fun with Erik?”  
  
Despite Charles’ protests, Brian manages to gently push him out of the kitchen. Charles gives Erik a hesitant look before reluctantly turning around and walking towards the staircase.

When Charles is out of sight, Brian turns towards Erik. “No drinking, no drugs, no hands.”  
  
Erik nods. “You got it.”

* * *

Charles and Erik stand outside the front door of Sean Cassidy’s house, Erik’s friend from the lacrosse team. 

“Ready?” Erik asks Charles.

Charles wipes his palms on jeans. “Not in the slightest.”

“Ok then let’s just wait for a minute and go over the plan. All you have to do is act like you’re in love with me, which shouldn’t be too difficult.”  
  
Charles rolls his eyes but grins. “Get over yourself for a second.” Despite Erik’s ramblings, he’s starting to feel a little better and less nervous. 

Erik grins back and gives a little shrug. He’s about to open the door when he stops. “Wait a sec,” he says and then quickly runs his hand through Charles’ hair, fluffing it up a bit.

“Hey!” Charles says, trying to duck out of the way.

“It looks better this way.” Erik runs his hand through his own hair and then pulls out his phone and takes a picture of Charles. 

When Charles gives him a puzzled look, he explains, “I’m gonna make it my new wallpaper. In case someone checks my phone.”  
  
Charles looks at the picture and frowns a bit. “Can you take another?”  
  
“Nah, I like it. You look cute.”  
  


 _He doesn’t mean that. He just said that to shut me up so we could go inside,_ Charles thinks, but it still makes him feel good.  
  
“Are you good now?” Erik asks, extending his hand towards him. Charles gives a little nod and reluctantly takes his hand, allowing himself to be dragged through the front door into the party.

* * *

Charles and Erik walk through the party hand-in-hand. Every couple of minutes, Erik sees one of his friends and stops to chat, forcing Charles to stand there and look around while waiting for them to finish talking. Eventually they get to the main room, where a bunch of their classmates are gathered around the kitchen, ping pong table, and couch. Erik leads them over to Sean, who’s currently playing beer pong against Azazel.

“Hey Sean,” Erik says before pulling Sean in for a quick side hug.

“Hey Erik! Hey Charles!” Sean says with a grin before going back to his game. 

Erik gives a nod hello to Azazel and turns to Charles. “I’m gonna go grab something to drink. Do you want anything?”  
  
“Um yeah sure. A beer I guess.”  
  
Erik gives his hand a quick squeeze and goes to the kitchen, leaving Charles alone with people he isn’t really comfortable with.

_Great,_ Charles thinks. He looks around and walks towards the couch, taking a seat near the edge. He’s about to pull out his phone when he hears, “Charles”  
  
He turns towards the voice and groans. It’s Magda, sitting right next to Emma Frost. 

“So what’s up with you and Lehnsherr?” Emma asks.

“Emma don’t push him. You know he’s shy. Besides, it's pointless. You know they haven’t done anything,” Magda says.  
  


“And how would you know that Magda,” Charles asks, gaining some confidence from who knows where.

“I know Erik. And I know you.” She stands up. “I’m getting a refill. Do you want anything Charles? Maybe a juice box?”  
  
Charles gives her an insincere smile. “No I’m good. Erik’s getting me something. But thanks for offering.”

At that exact moment, Erik returns from the kitchen with two red solo cups. He hops down onto the couch next to Charles and says, “Here you go schatz,” before giving him one of the cups. 

“Thanks,” Charles says with a soft smile, causing Magda to scowl and leave. Charles watches her go with a small frown on his face. 

Distracted, he takes a drink before letting out a loud, “Yuck. What in the bloody hell is this?”  
  
Erik laughs and switches their cups. “Sorry. I gave you the wrong drink.”

“What is that? It’s so sweet.”  
  


“Shirley temple. I’m driving you home so I can’t drink.”  
  
“Oh. Thanks.”  
  
“Are you feeling better? Less nervous?”  
  
Charles nods and takes another sip. “Yeah,” Charles replies, only partly lying. 

Erik pulls out his phone and taps on the screen for a couple minutes before showing it to Charles. The screen shows a chessboard.

“You want to play?” Erik asks, hoping it will help calm Charles’ nerves.

Charles smiles and puts down his drink. “Sure.”

An hour later, Charles has Erik in a checkmate. They haven’t moved from each other's side, except for the occasional refill or bathroom break. 

“I demand a rematch Xavier.”

Charles laughs. “Don’t be a sore loser.” His nervousness is gone, but he still isn’t a huge fan of parties. 

Erik can tell Charles is getting antsy to leave. “Hey do you wanna get out of here?”

Charles gives a sigh of relief. “Yes please.”

Erik gets up from the coach. “Ok let me just say goodbye to some people and grab my jacket.”  
  


Charles gets up and starts heading towards the kitchen so he can throw out his cup. As he’s walking, he bumps into Darwin.

“Hey Charles!”  
  
Charles grins, happy to see a familiar face. “Hey! I didn’t know you came.”  
  
Darwin nods. “Well here I am. So you and Lehnsherr, huh”  
  


Charles blushes a bit. “Oh, yeah. But what about you? How’s everything going?”

“Great actually.”

They keep talking for a bit, laughing like a pair of old friends, until Charles sees Erik near the front door gesturing for him to come.

“I have to go. I’ll see you next week during school though right?”

  
“Yeah. I’ll see you next week,” Darwin says with a smile.

Charles walks towards Erik, a warm feeling growing inside of him

* * *

  
  
Erik and Charles sit across from each other in a booth at the cafe. They’re sharing a plate of fries and they each have their respective drinks-tea for Charles and a milkshake for Erik. 

“Did you have fun tonight?” Erik asks.

“Yeah actually I did.”  
  
“You know, I’m holding you to that rematch. I’ll bring my actual chess set and we can have a real game, not that online crap.”

“We’ll see.”  
  
“What, you afraid you’ll lose?”

“Not in the slightest. I just want to spare you your dignity. It’s what a good boyfriend would do.” Charles jokes, causing Erik to roll his eyes.  
  
The waitress comes back to their table. “You guys need anything else?”  
  
“Oh no, I think we’re good. Thank you.”  
  
The waitress nods and collects their plates. When she leaves, Charles starts to get up but stops when he hears Erik’s phone buzz and then his subsequent groan.

“Mein gott, she makes me so angry sometimes.”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Magda. She’s left like a hundred text messages on my phone.”  
  
“Well, have you been responding?”  
  
“No. I think I’ll just call her later or something.”  
  
Charles nods and keeps quiet, not wanting to overstep his boundaries. 

“What?” Erik asks.

“Hmm?”  
  


“You have your judgey face on right now.”  
  


“I don’t know… I guess I just find it weird that you still talk with your ex-girlfriend on the phone. It doesn’t seem very healthy. Besides, aren’t you trying to show her it’s over?”  
  


Erik scoffs. “When did you become an expert on relationships? You’ve never even been in one.”  
  
“Yeah well you’ve only had one. And if I remember correctly, she had you completely whipped. So you’re not an expert either.”

“I’m not whipped-”  
  
“Ok then prove it,” Charles says as he leans forward in his chair. “Don’t respond. Don’t call her. Just let it be.”  
  
“You know, for someone who’s quiet all the time, you sure have a lot of opinions.”  
  


“I only share my opinions when I deem it necessary. And I just think no one’s ever been honest with you before.”  
  
Erik leans forward. “Ok then be honest with me Xavier. Why haven’t you ever been in a relationship before?”

Charles falters for a second. “No one’s ever liked me like that I guess.”  
  
“That’s such a lie! Lucas Bishop asked you out to homecoming last year and you said no.”

“Wow, are you keeping tabs on me?”  
  
“Charles, come on. Talk to me.”  
  


Charles sighs. “Fine. So uh, love and relationships are easy for me to think about and write about, obviously, but when it’s real…”

“It’s scary?” Erik supplies and Charles nods.

“Why is it scary?”  
  
“I don’t know. It just makes me feel things I’m not ready to face right now. The way I see it, the more people I let in, the more people can just walk right out and leave.”  
  


Erik gives a small nod of understanding. “Like-like your mom right?” He asks tentatively. 

Charles gives a sad smile and looks down at his lap.

Erik clears his throat. “Um, did you know my dad left us?”

“Yeah I think so. That was a while ago, right?”

“4 years ago. He has a new wife and a new son already.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No it’s fine don’t worry. I don’t usually talk about it. I just thought you might understand, you know with your mom and everything. Not that it’s anywhere near the same thing tho-”

“Erik it’s fine. I understand. Yeah, it’s hard huh?”  
  
Erik sighs. “It’s whatever.”  
  
“We don’t have to talk about it right now, but it’s not whatever. You don’t have to minimize your feelings.”  
  
Erik gives a soft smile. “You know, you say you’re afraid of commitment, but you don’t seem afraid to be with me anymore. In the beginning it was a little touch and go but you seem comfortable now.”  
  
“Oh well now I know I have no reason to be afraid.”  
  
“Yeah? Why is that?”  
  


“‘Cause this is fake. We’re just pretending.”  
  


Erik leans back in his chair. “Right, of course.”  
  
Charles can tell he said something wrong by the look on Erik’s face, like he completely shut down. Erik grabs the receipt and stands up from the table.

“Wait, Erik. Are we ok?”  
  
“Yeah we’re fine. Hey, thanks for coming with me tonight. I know you don’t like parties.”

Charles nods. He opens his mouth, but can’t figure out anything to say. Finally, he gets up and follows Erik out of the diner, his mind racing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> Hope you guys are all safe and healthy.
> 
> This chapter was really fun to write. Hope you guys enjoyed it and thanks for reading!
> 
> <3


	7. Chapter 7

Charles sits with Erik and his friends at the lunch table. Last night, full of restless energy, he made a couple batches of cookies ranging from regular chocolate chip to his favorite Jammie Dodgers. Today, he brought in a huge container full of cookies and put it down on the table. The cookies lasted for about .4 seconds before Erik and his friends gobbled them all up. 

“These are so good,” Erik keeps saying, covering his mouth with his hand. He reaches for the last one, but stops short and looks at Charles.

“You can have it.”  
  


“No it’s ok.”  
  
“I feel bad that we ate all of them. I don’t want to be rude”

“Erik seriously, you can have it.”

Erik looks at the cookie for a couple seconds before stubbornly shaking his head. Charles can tell he still wants the cookie and rolls his eyes. He picks up the cookie, and puts it in his face. “Say ‘ah’?”

Before Erik can respond Sean elbows Erik out of the way and leans forward with a laugh. “I’m jealous of you Lehnsherr. I wish I had someone to feed me my lunch. Charles, if he doesn’t take it, I will.”  
  


Erik shoves him away and says, “Screw off Cassidy, it’s mine!” He opens his mouth and Charles shoves the cookie into it. With his mouth full of shortbread and strawberry jam, Erik smiles and closes his eyes, saying a quiet, “yum.”

Charles smiles and for a second, just a second, he forgets. He forgets that this isn’t real. 

Erik swallows. “What’s wrong? Why do you look sad?”

Charles shakes his head a little and snaps out of it. “I’m not sad. I’m just hungry. You guys ate all of my snacks.”  
  
Immediately, Erik pushes out of his chair and stands up. “I can buy you something for lunch. What do you want? A sandwich?”

Charles grabs his sleeve and pulls him back down onto his seat. “Don’t. I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”  
  


Charles nods.

“If you’re still hungry later, we can stop by the cafe on the way home.”  
  


Charles nods again. He looks down to check the time on his phone and when he looks back up, he makes eye contact with Alex across the cafeteria. A moment of understanding, a mutual agreement of “we need to talk,” passes between them and Charles stands up. He grabs his bag and is about to start walking towards Alex when Erik grabs his hand. He looks down at their hands quickly before looking at Erik.

“Schatz, are you ok?” Erik asks quietly.   
  


“Yeah. I need to go.” Charles looks back at Alex.

Erik follows his eyes and sees Alex. Charles feels Erik squeeze his hand. “Are you sure? I can come up with an excuse for us to leave so you don’t have to deal with him. Maybe the library’s open or-”  
  
Charles squeezes his hand and cuts him off. “I’m fine. Trust me. Save me a seat in bio.” He lets go of Erik’s hand and walks towards Alex. 

He takes a deep breath

_We’re just gonna talk. I can do this,_ Charles tells himself, hoping he’s right. 

* * *

Charles and Alex sit next to each other on the bleachers. 

“So how’ve you been? It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“I’m good. What about you?”  
  


“I’m doing ok.” Alex sighs and awkwardly slaps his hands on his knees. “I want to say something to you, but I feel weird bringing it up, which is also weird since we’ve always been able to talk to each other.”  
  
“We can still talk to each other. Nothing’s changed.” _Lie._

“Ok… I feel like you’ve been avoiding me ever since…”  
  


 _Oh god. He’s gonna say it. He’s actually going to say it._ Charles looks down at the ground. 

“Ever since Moira and I broke up.”  
  


Charles’ head snaps up. _That’s what he thinks? He thinks I’m avoiding him because of Moira? Did my letter mean nothing to him?_ _  
_ _  
_ Charles keeps his face still and replies, “I’m not avoiding you Alex. I’ve just been really busy.”   
  
“Yeah with Lehnsherr. I know. It’s just, we’ve known each other for so long and you’re one of my best friends. I don’t want to lose you, too.”   
  


It’s the “too” that hits Charles right in the gut. The “I don’t want to lose you, ‘too’” that stops him in his tracks and sucks the wind right out of him. Because if he hadn’t said “too,” then it would just be about Alex and him. Not about Alex and Charles and Moira.

“Charles that letter you wrote-”  
  


_Nope that’s enough. I don’t want to talk about this anymore._

Charles cuts Alex off. “That was from a long time ago so let’s just forget about it. We’ll always be friends Alex.”

Alex nods. “OK good. So...we can hang out again?”  
  
“Sure.” Charles says, because wasn’t that kind of the whole point of this ordeal? To be able to hang out with Alex again without the letter getting between them? To just be his good friend Charles again?

* * *

Charles looks down at his phone and sees an incoming call from Erik.

“Hey,” Charles says, unsure of why Erik is calling him.

“Hey. Can I come over tonight to study for the bio test?”

“Um I don’t remember study sessions being in the contract.”  
  
“Wow I’m wounded Xavier.”   
  
“I’m just kidding. What time works for you?”

“Is seven ok? I need to pick up Anya from dance class.”  
  


“On one condition: you need to wear one of her tutu’s and send me a picture.”

“Shut up.”  
  


“Alright, alright. Yes seven works for me. See you later.”  
  


“See you later,” Erik says and they both hang up. 

* * *

Erik doesn’t show up at seven. At first, Charles doesn’t really notice, preoccupied with his own schoolwork. 

At eight, Charles checks his phone and texts Erik asking him if he’s ok. 

At nine, it’s still radio silence.

At ten, Charles is officially annoyed. He doesn’t really care about cancelling the study session but it would have been nice to get a warning. Does he not have any manners?  
  
At ten thirty, Erik texts Charles saying, “Something came up. I can’t come over tonight.”   
  
Charles sees the text message but he already has an inkling as to why Erik couldn’t come-he saw him and Magda talking earlier.   
  


He doesn’t respond.

* * *

The next morning, Charles wakes up still mad. He calls Alex to ask for a ride to school but wavers for a second.

_Wait is this ok? I mean we just started talking again._ Charles thinks for a couple more seconds before finally deciding, _screw it, we’re friends. Friends do this type of stuff all the time. It’s fine._ He hits the call button.

Alex answers and says it’s no problem. _  
  
_

_Let’s see how Erik likes it when he comes to my house to pick me up and I’m not there._

* * *

Alex and Charles talk in the car and it feels almost back to normal. When they get to school, Alex heads for the senior hall and Charles goes straight to the junior hall and heads for his first period class.

Mrs. Braddock is taking attendance when Charles looks up and sees Erik standing in the doorway glaring at him. He gestures at Charles to come out but Charles looks back down at his notebook and pretends like he doesn’t see him. He thinks it worked but then Erik hisses his name and Charles knows he has to talk to him.

He sighs and raises his hand. “Mrs. Braddock, may I go to the bathroom?”  
  
“Yes. But make it quick.”

Charles hurries into the hallway and pulls Erik away from the door so Mrs. Braddock can’t see them. 

“Where were you this morning?” Erik demands.

Charles crosses his arms. “I needed to do some stuff at school and left early.” That’s partly true. 

“I called you like ten times. Why is your phone off?  
  
“I forgot to plug it in and it died.” _Lie._

“Charles I waited in front of your house for twenty minutes.”  
  
 _Yikes_ . “Well I didn’t ask you to. But… I’m sorry.”   
  
“How’d you get to school? Summers?”

“Yeah.”  
  
Erik exhales. “If this is because I couldn’t come over last night, you should have just called me instead of pulling this shit-”   
  
“Excuse me?” Now he’s annoyed again. “Not everything is about you Erik. If you pulled your head out of your ass for one second, maybe you would see that. I couldn’t give a shit about what happened last night, even though it was a really crappy thing to do.” 

“I said I was sorry!”  
  
“Did you? I really don’t think you did.”

Chastened, Erik says, “Sorry.”

Charles huffs out a breath. “I told you I had some stuff to do this morning and if you don’t believe me then that’s your own problem.”

“Ok ok. Just let me know next time.”  
  
Charles sighs and starts to feel bad. “Did you at least study for the test?”   
  
Erik shakes his head and Charles sighs again.

“You can look at my notes during lunch,” Charles says and heads back to class without another word. 

* * *

Alex’s parents fight a lot. Charles doesn’t know if it’s a normal amount of fighting. He’s only had one parent for so long and even when he had two, he doesn’t remember them fighting that much. When they fight really bad, Alex comes over. When they were younger, Alex would sneak out in his pajamas and ride his bike to Charles’ house and stay until his parents came looking for him. It’s not something they talk about.

Charles is sitting in bed when he gets a text message from Alex asking if he can come over. Charles, already having an idea as to why he wants to come over, replies, “Of course.”

Half an hour later the alert for the front gate opens and Charles looks through the security cam to see Alex’s car. He buzzes it open and waits by the front door.

Alex walks up the front steps and smiles sheepishly. “Hey. Thanks for letting me stay here for a bit.”  
  


“It’s no problem. Our door is always open, you know that.”

Charles and Alex head into the living room, where the TV is showing a Golden Girls marathon. Charles sits on the couch and picks up his notebook and highlighters. Alex sits on the love seat and wraps himself in the blanket.

“Are you going to try out for Cyrano?” Alex asks. Cyrano de Bergerac is the new spring play. The drama club just announced it yesterday. 

“No. Why would I?” Charles hates public speaking, Alex knows that.

“It’s your favorite play, dummy. I think you’d be a really good Cyrano or Christian.”  
  
Charles smiles. “Thanks, but no thanks.”   
  


“Why not? It could be fun and you could put it on your college applications.”

“It’s not like I’m going to major in theater. Far from it in fact.”

“Charles, it wouldn’t kill you to step outside of your comfort zone every once in a while. You should take risks, have some adventures. Look at Moira. She’s all the way in Scotland and having the time of her life.”  
  
 _Well that didn’t take long. It must be impossible for Alex to go 5 minutes without mentioning Moira._ “I’m not Moira.”   
  
“I didn’t say you were. And I’m not saying you should move to the other side of the world, I know you would never do that. All I’m saying is that you should try new things and expand your world outside of watching TV with Raven, reading books with Hank, and driving around in Lehnsherr’s car.

_Is that how sad and boring he thinks my life is? Christ, Is he right?_

“What about debate club? You love arguing with people!” Alex exclaims.  
  
Charles scoffs and throws his highlighter at him. It ricochets off his forehead. “Hey! That could have hit me in the eye!”   
  


“And you would have deserved it you jerk,” Charles says, only half-joking.

“Ok ok, I’m sorry, I’ll stop. You know I didn’t mean it like that. I just mean that you should give people a chance to get to know you. If people knew you, they would love you.”

_If only that were true. You know me better than almost anybody and you don’t love me._ Charles thinks. 

* * *

  
[Halloween](https://cherik-123.tumblr.com/private/617940069041504256/tumblr_YGLV2HXfqTH2Ji2Xr) is tomorrow and Charles can’t wait. As juvenile as it might be, the practice of dressing up and transforming into someone else for a day brings Charles unimaginable joy. 

This year, Charles is going as Harry Potter. In the past, much to Charles’ chagrin, people always assumed that his accent was part of his costume. After years of frustration, he’s finally decided to go all in. He modernized the costume a bit, deciding on black jeans, a pair of black glasses, a white button up, a Gryffindor tie (which hurts his inner Ravenclaw), and a Hogwarts robe he bought online. 

On Halloween morning, Charles wakes up and puts on his costume. When he looks at himself in the mirror, he smiles a bit and allows himself to acknowledge how cute he looks for once. 

After breakfast, Charles sits on the front steps and waits for Erik to pick him up. Raven, who’s dressing up as an android and bringing in a bunch of Halloween themed cupcakes, is getting a ride from their dad. A couple minutes pass and Charles checks his phone. Erik is five minute late, as usual. Not that he can really complain, because it’s a free ride to school and he could be taking the bus. The longer Charles waits, the more prickly he feels. He puts on and takes off his robe a couple times and loosens his tie a bit. 

When Erik finally drives up to the front gate, Charles runs inside to buzz it open, locks the door, and runs back outside. When Erik pulls up, Charles runs to the car and gets in without saying hello.

Erik’s eyes are big. “You look hot,” he says, sounding surprised. “What are you? A Doctor Who character or something?”

_Ugh, seriously?_ There goes his good mood.   
  
“No,” Charles says, or more like snaps. “I’m Harry Potter.”   
  
“Oh cool.”

Charles looks over at him and sees that he’s only wearing a regular t-shirt and jeans. “Where’s your costume?”  
  
“Oh a bunch of us are doing a group costume together and thought it would have a better effect to unveil it at the same time so we’re getting changed at school.”   
  
Charles nods and looks out the window. A couple seconds pass before Charles abruptly says, “I wish you weren’t so late all the time.”   
  
Erik frowns. “Geez I’m sorry. I was getting my costume together.”   
  


“Yeah but it’s not just today. You’re always late.”  
  
“I’m not always late! What are you talking about?”   
  
“You were late today, and yesterday. And last Wednesday you were so late I almost missed a test first period. If you’re not going to come on time, I don’t want you to give me rides anymore.”   
  
Charles doesn’t even have to look; he can feel Erik glaring at him. “Works for me. That means I get ten extra minutes of sleep.”   
  
“Good.”

* * *

Charles and Erik silently part ways in the hallway. He’s walking towards his first period class when he hears, “Charles!”  
  
Automatically Charles calls back, “Alex!” It’s their own version of Marco Polo.

When Charles looks up, he sees Alex, standing in front of his locker, wearing a Draco Malfoy costume. They both burst out laughing. When they finally stop, Alex says, “All of the members in the graphic-novel club are going as different fantasy-book characters. I was gonna go as Geralt from the Witcher because, you know, I’ve got the upper body for it but…”  
  
Charles starts giggling, trying to picture Alex in heavy body armor and carrying a huge sword.

“Hey, stop laughing so hard! I could pull it off,” Alex says. The first bell rings and they both look at their respective classrooms. 

“I’ll see you later Charles,” Alex says and starts to turn towards his class.

Before he can leave, Charles shouts out, “Expelliarmus!” and Alex spins around and calls back, “Finite!” 

They both grin like idiots and leave for their classrooms. 

* * *

Charles and Hank sit together on the auditorium balcony during the costume contest. Hank is dressed up as an aviator. He’s wearing jeans, a leather aviator jacket, and ray-bans and gave Charles a lecture on aerodynamics and the physics of flying airplanes. 

The guys in Erik’s group are all Disney princes. Sean is Prince Charming from Cinderella, Azazel is Prince Adam from Beauty and the Beast, Janos is Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty, and Erik, of course, is Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid. They all went full out, with Sean carrying around a glass slipper, Azazel carrying a candelabra, Janos holding a dragon stuffed animal, and Erik carrying a sheep dog plushie and using a miniature telescope to look at the judges. Magda and her friends went as Disney princesses. Their costumes ranged from normal cocktail dresses to a full-blown ball gown in Emma’s case. 

After the assembly, Charles heads to his locker. He’s about to grab his history notebook when Erik comes over and leans his back against the locker next to Charles’.

“Hey.”  
  


“Hey,” Charles says. He puts his notebook in his bag and closes his locker. “Congrats on winning best group costume.”  
  
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?”   
  
_What?_ “What do you mean? What else am I supposed to say?”   
  
Just then, Alex walks by with Kurt Wagner, who’s dressed as Jaime Lannister, gold hand and all. Walking backward, Alex points his wand at Charles and says, “Expelliarmus!”

Automatically Charles points his wand back at him and yells, “Avada Kedavra!”  
  


Alex clutches his chest like he’s been shot . “Way harsh!” he calls out, and he disappears down the hallway. Charles starts laughing and watches him walk away before turning his attention back to Erik, who’s standing there with a weird expression on his face.

“Um don’t you think it’s weird for my supposed boyfriend to wear a couples costume with another guy?” Erik asks.

Charles rolls his eyes and takes off his robe. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m serious! How do you think it makes me look?”  
  
“Ok first of all, it wasn’t planned. Second of all, nobody cares what my costume is! Who would even notice something like that?”   
  


“People notice,” Erik huffs. “I noticed.”  
  


“Well I’m sorry. I’m terribly sorry that a coincidence like this would ever occur.”

“I really doubt it was a coincidence,” Erik mutters under his breath.

“What do you want me to do then? It’s not like there’s a matching costume I can wear.”  
  


“Maybe you can borrow a red wig and be Ariel.”  
  
Charles scoffs and grabs his wand from his back pocket. He waves it in Erik’s face and says, “Silencio! I’m tired of your babbling.”   
  


Erik crosses his arms and smirks. “Nice try.”

Before Erik can say anything else, Charles grabs his dog plushie and shoves it at his face, holding it there to cover his mouth. Erik tries to say something, but Charles presses his hand harder. “What? I’m sorry I can’t understand you. What did you say?”  
  
Erik reaches out and tickles him, causing Charles to gasp and drop his hand. He darts away from Erik and they stare at each other, daring each other to move or take a step closer. Erik fakes taking a step forward and Charles immediately takes a step backwards. Laughing, Charles throws his robe at Erik and runs away from him down the hall. Erik chases him all the way to bio. A teacher yells at them to slow down, and they do, but as soon as they’re around the corner, they start running again. 

By the time Charles makes it to his seat, he’s breathless and tearing up from laughter. Class begins and Charles starts to calm down but halfway through the lesson, Erik sends Charles a note. The paper is covered in drawings of mermaids and starfish and a few lightning bolts. It says, “I’ll be on time tomorrow,” and Charles smiles as he reads it. He smooths it out and puts it in his French textbook so it won’t get ripped or crumpled up in his backpack. 

_I’ll keep this,_ Charles decides.

_I’ll keep this so when this is over, I can have something to look at and remember what it was like to be Erik Lehnsherr’s boyfriend._

_Even if this is all fake._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter! It was fun to write (I love thinking of their banter and drama). I put a lot of thought into all of their costumes and all the little references so I'm very proud of myself lol :). I already have the next chapter finished so hopefully I'll publish that soon. The next 2 chapters are my favorite in the entire fic so I'm pretty excited. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> My tumblr: cherik-123


	8. Chapter 8

**“** Isn’t this movie really problematic?” Erik asks before shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

After finishing their homework, Charles and Erik decided to have a movie marathon. They’re currently watching _Sixteen Candles_ in their private movie theater. 

“Oh yeah extremely problematic,” Charles replies, turning his head to look at Erik.

“Then why do you watch it?”  
  
From across the theater, Raven pokes her head up and shouts, “Why are you even asking that question? Hello, Jake Ryan!”

Erik scoffs. “I am way better-looking than that guy.”

Raven giggles. “You wish!”  
  


Erik sits up and turns to face Raven. “Oh yeah? Incoming!” He grabs his pillow and throws it at Raven, who ducks and starts laughing like a maniac. Quick like a fox, Raven grabs her own pillow, jumps up from her seat, and starts hitting Erik on the head with it. 

Charles watches their pillow fight from his seat and allows himself to pretend that this is real for a moment. He gives them a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

* * *

On Friday night, Charles gets a text from Alex saying, “You, me, and the cafe like old times?”

_Except old times would have included Moira. Now it’s new times,_ Charles supposes. _Maybe that’s not a bad thing. New can be good._

“Ok,” Charles texts back. “But I’m getting my own french fries. You always hog more than your fair share.”  
  
“Deal,” Alex says. 

Twenty minutes later, Charles and Alex are sitting across from each other in their old booth. Charles holds his hand out for quarters and Alex smiles and digs a couple coins out from his pocket. Another Charles and Alex tradition: Alex always gives Charles quarters for the jukebox. 

After a couple minutes of deliberation, Charles chooses, “Build Me Up Buttercup,” and picks up his menu.

“Why do you bother looking at the menu when we already know what you’re going to get?”  
  
“I could change my mind at the last second,” Charles says defensively. “I could order a grilled cheese or a burger. I can be adventurous too, you know.”  
  


“Sure,” Alex agrees, and Charles knows he’s just humoring him. 

The waitress comes by and takes their orders, and of course Charles orders his usual fish and chips. Alex orders a stack of pancakes and a cherry soda. 

A silence falls between them, causing them both to speak at the same time. Charles asks, “Have you talked to Moira lately?” and Alex asks, “How are things going with Lehnsherr?”  
  
Alex’s easy smile fades and he looks out the window. “Yeah, we text sometimes… I think she’s getting a little homesick.”

Charles gives him a funny look. “Really? Homesick? Last time we talked, she was all excited and telling me about her classes.”  
  
“Would you do that? Would you go somewhere that far away?”  
  
Charles sighs. “I don’t know, probably not. I like Oxford but I doubt I’ll get in.”

Alex scoffs. “What are you talking about? You could get in there in a heartbeat. You’re probably the smartest person this town has seen in decades.”  
  
Charles blushes and takes a sip from his water after mumbling a quick, “Thanks.”  
  
Alex clears his throat. “So wait, how are things going with Lehnsherr?”

Before Charles can answer, the waitress comes back with their food. Alex holds up his glass and asks, “You want the first sip?”  
  
Charles smiles and nods eagerly. He leans across the table, takes a long sip from his glass, and then sits back down.

“That was a pretty big sip. How come you never get your own?”  
  
“Why would I get my own if I know you’ll share,” Charles responds cheekily.

“So you were saying?” Alex prods. When Charles gives him a confused look, he says, “You were about to tell me about you and Lehnsherr.”  
  


_Ugh do we have to talk about this?_

“Things are good… He’s really sweet.”  
  


Alex snorts.

“Hey, he’s not what you think. People are so quick to judge him or call him intimidating and whatnot but he’s not what you think.”  
  


Alex gives him a dubious look. “You already said that.”

“That’s because it’s true.” Alex shrugs like he doesn’t believe him so Charles says, “You should see the way Raven is around him. She’s crazy about him.” Charles doesn’t realize it until the words have left his mouth, but he says it to hurt him. 

Alex stabs his fork into his stack of pancakes. “Well, I hope she doesn’t get too attached.” And even though Charles had the exact same thought for different reasons, it still hurts to hear. 

Suddenly, the easy Charles-and-Alex feeling is gone and Charles doesn’t even know how it happened. 

“Hey,” Alex says suddenly and Charles looks up. “I didn’t mean that. That was a crappy thing to say, I’m sorry. I guess I’m not used to sharing the Xaviers.”  
  


Charles goes soft inside. Now that Alex said a nice thing, he’s feeling warm and generous towards him again. 

_You may not be used to sharing us, but we’re used to sharing you._

“You’ll always be Raven’s favorite, you know that,” Charles says, which makes him smile. 

“I mean, I did teach her how to hock a loogie. You don’t forget the person who teaches you something as important as that.”

Charles laughs and pushes his plate into the middle of the table, offering Alex some of his food. They’re sharing his french fries when Magda walks in with her little brother from their school’s Big Brother Big Sister program. Charles slumps down in his seat, but of course Magda still sees him. She looks back and forth between Charles and Alex before giving them a small wave. Charles doesn’t know what else to do so he waves back, but something about the way she smiles at him makes him feel uneasy. She looks genuinely happy.

_If Magda is happy, that’s not good._

When Charles gets home he gets a text from Erik. It says, “If you’re going to hang out with Summers, can you at least not do it in public?”

_Wait, is Erik jealous?_ Charles shakes his head. _No that’s ridiculous. He’s probably just worried about how it looks to Magda._

Charles turns off his phone and goes to sleep. 

* * *

Charles sits on his bed with his laptop open in front of him, preparing himself for his skype call with Moira. To be perfectly honest, he wasn’t sure if he could do this. He could barely lie to Raven and Hank, much less Moira. What could he even say? Hey Moira, just thought you should know I’m fake dating this guy in my grade to convince your ex-boyfriend that I’m not in love with him. His laptop starts going off and he sees an incoming call from Moira.

_Let’s get this over with,_ Charles thinks before hitting accept. 

“Hey Moira!”  
  
“Charles oh my gosh! I’ve missed seeing your face. How’s everyone doing?”  
  
“Dad is fine. He’s been coming home early a lot lately so we’ve all been spending more time together. He’s taking off the next couple days for Thanksgiving.” 

“That’s good. How about Raven?”

“Raven is having the time of her life at school. Hold on, lemme get her.” Charles turns his head towards the door and yells, “Raven come here! I’m skyping with Moira!”

“What about you? Anything new in your life?”  
  
Charles shakes his head. “Nope. Just the same old same old. I’m living vicariously through Raven.” 

Speak of the devil, Raven barges into Charles’ room and throws herself on top of him, trying to get as much of herself in front of the camera as possible. “Moira! How’s it hanging? Have you got it on with any hot European guys yet?”

Charles scoffs and pushes Raven off of him. “Raven don’t be obnoxious. I was just giving Moira an update on everything.”  
  
Raven’s eyes light up. “Oooh did you tell her about Erik yet?”  
  
“Raven!” Charles hisses and hits her on the shoulder.

“Who’s Erik?” Moira asks excitingly.

“Charles’ boyfriend.”

“Wait a second, what? Charles is dating who?” On the screen Moira’s eyes are huge. 

“Erik Lehnsherr. They’ve been dating since the beginning of the school year and he’s really good-looking and he comes over all the time,” Raven supplies and Charles gives her a dirty look over the screen. 

“How did it happen?”  
  


Charles shrugs. “I don’t know. It sort of just… happened.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? You know you can tell me anything.”  
  
Charles can feel his blood pressure rising by the second. “I’m sorry it must have just slipped my mind. Hey, I’m really sorry but I have a bunch of schoolwork. Can I call you back later?”  
  


“Charles wait-”  
  
Before Raven or Moira can say anything else, he forces out a quick, “I love you and I’ll call you back. Good luck with your classes and I’ll tell dad you say hi. Love you. Bye!” He ends the call and slams the laptop shut with a big sigh. 

Raven gives him a weird look. “Charles I know you keep saying everything’s fine but that’s a load of bullshit and you know it. Is everything alright?”  
  
Charles nods and rubs his eyes before pulling Raven in for a hug. “I promise I’m ok.”  
  
Raven exhales and snuggles deeper into the hug. “I trust you. But if I see anything suspicious, I’m telling Dad and we’re calling your therapist.”  
  


“It’s not like that. I would tell you if it got like that again”  
  
“Like that again” refers to the time right after their mother’s death. As terrible as he is dealing with his emotions right now, back then he was even worse. He didn’t talk to anyone for 2 weeks and completely lost his appetite, causing him to collapse on the grand staircase. Suffice to say, they don’t talk about that period very often.

“Maybe you should invite Alex or Hank or Erik over and spend some time with them. They might make you feel better.”  
  


“Maybe.”

Charles gives Raven a big squeeze and pulls away. “Why don’t you go to the kitchen and pull out the takeout menus? We can order some pizza and have a movie marathon.”  
  
Raven nods and crawls off the bed. She gives Charles one last look before walking out the door.  
  
When Raven is out of sight, Charles sighs and falls back onto the bed.

_Getting anyone else involved, especially family, is the last thing this situation needs._

_If I have to lie to one more person, I think I’ll explode._

* * *

  
“What do you mean your mother wants to meet me?” Charles asks, almost screeching

Charles and Erik are standing in front of the school. Everyday after the last bell, they meet up near the flagpole and walk to Erik’s car together.

“I told her about us and she wants to meet you and have dinner.”

_Nope nope nope. This is too real._

Charles turns away and starts frantically speed walking towards Erik’s jeep. “Well why in the bloody fuck did you tell her about us? The more people you tell, the harder it is to maintain a lie, Erik.”  
  
Erik runs after Charles and grabs his sleeve. He turns Charles around and places his hands on Charles’ shoulders, trying to calm him down.

“Charles you can’t expect me to keep something this big from my mother. And what’s the big deal? I’ve already met your dad. ”

“Yeah but all of your encounters have been brief or in passing. A meet-the-parents dinner is a big deal.”

“If you really don’t want to, then fine. I won’t force you. But you have to help me come up with an explanation as to why my boyfriend doesn’t want to meet my darling mother.”

Charles groans. _Stupid guilt trip_. “Fine. But you owe me big time. Like buying me food at the cafe for a whole week big time.”

Erik laughs and rubs his shoulders. “Deal. She wants to do it next Friday.”

“Actually I-“ Charles tries to say but Erik cuts him off.

“And before you come up with some bullshit excuse, I know for a fact that you’re free. It’s well after Thanksgiving so you can’t use that. Plus, I double checked with Raven before I told you.”

_Dammit. There goes my “delay this until it eventually gets cancelled” plan_

“Alright, alright.” With a sigh, Charles pulls away and walks to the passenger side door. Erik watches him with a small smile before getting in and starting the car.

* * *

“We’re so happy to finally meet you, Charles.” Edie Lehnsherr smiles at Charles, who’s sitting in between Erik and Anya. 

Charles smiles back at her and looks down at his lap.

“Erik tells me that you have two sisters.”  
  


“Yes, I have an older sister who just left for college and a younger sister who’s Anya’s age.”

“Aw. Well, your mom must love having her hands full with all you guys. Me? I’m stuck with these two heathens.”

Before Charles can respond, Erik clears his throat and gives his mom a look. “Mom, I told you. Charles’ mother passed away when he was little.”  
  


A look of regret flashes over Edie’s face and she immediately says, “I am so sorry Charles, I-”

“Actually, she did love it, as crazy as we must have been. She used to say that her hands were full but her heart was too,” Charles says with a smile that soothes Edie’s worries. “Although, Raven is definitely still a heathen.”

Edie laughs and Charles and Erik look at each other over the dinner table before continuing with their meal.

* * *

After dinner, Charles helps Erik clean up the kitchen. Erik is putting the dishes away when he turns around and says, “I’m sorry for what my mom said. I know you don’t like talking about it.”  
  
“It’s ok. It’s nice to talk about her like it’s normal every once in a while.”

Erik nods and finishes putting the dishes away while Charles sits on top of the kitchen island and crosses his legs. 

“Is it weird not having your dad around?” Charles asks quietly.

Erik moves to stand next to Charles and looks at the wall. “It’s not as weird as it used to be. Sometimes I walk around the house and see he’s not in any of our photos anymore, and I really miss him. But then I think about everything he’s doing with his new family and how he probably doesn’t even think about us anymore, and I get so mad that I’m glad he’s gone.”

“You don’t mean that. You can hate someone and still miss them.”

After a pause, Erik asks, “You must really miss your mom, huh?”  
  
“Everyday,” Charles exhales. “You know, it’s been so long that sometimes I forget there was a time where it wasn’t just Dad, Moira, Raven, and I. It only lasts for a couple seconds, but I always feel super guilty afterwards.”

Erik looks at Charles and says quietly. “I don’t actually hate my dad. I didn’t mean it like that. At least he’s not, you know…”  
  
“Dead?” Charles supplies and Erik nods. “Sorry.”  
  


“It’s fine,” Charles says and looks down at his lap.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”  
  


“You know, everyone keeps asking me if I’m ok and I honestly have no idea.” Charles lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “I don’t think I’ve been ok for the past 7 years. I always say I’m fine because I don’t want people to worry but I rarely am, as you can probably tell by now. I just keep hoping that if I say it enough it will come true eventually.”  
  
“It’s ok to feel something Charles. You have to confront your feelings at some point,” Erik says. 

“That’s what scares me. I like to think I can avoid them, but they’ll come to bite me in the arse sooner or later and, as much as I try, I can’t do anything about it.”  
  
“What are you so afraid of? What are you trying to avoid?” Erik asks gently.

“Do you want the full or abridged version?” Charles jokes, trying to quell his nervousness. 

Erik doesn’t say anything, just gives him a soft look.

Charles puts on a fake professional accent and begins rattling off, “Patient Xavier is exhibiting abandonment issues due to the loss of his mother during a critical age of personal growth and his emotionally distant father during his subsequent grieving period.” Charles can feel himself rambling but he isn’t sure if he can stop. “This fear has led the patient to develop commitment issues, as he thinks that he will lose anyone he grows close to.”  
  
Charles can’t bring himself to look at Erik, not wanting to see the pity-filled look that’s probably on his face. The same look that’s on everyone’s face when he opens up.

“Not to mention, because the patient is so shit at being a functioning human being, he has yet to fully deal with his mother’s death, the loss of his childhood, his obvious emotional instability, or his tendency to get overwhelmed the second something happens that he isn’t completely, one hundred percent prepared for.”

At some point, Charles had raised his arms and started to wave them around in tandem with his frantic ramblings. Before Charles can continue, Erik gently grabs his hands and slowly brings them down to his lap. 

Charles looks up and sees Erik looking down at him with sad eyes and he can’t take that. He doesn’t want anyone's pity, much less the pity of a fake-boyfriend. He takes a deep breath and looks down at their intertwined hands. “I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me. Just ignore what I said-”  
  
“Charles,” Erik says quietly. “You can’t lock parts of yourself away and hope they disappear. It doesn’t work like that, trust me I’ve tried.”

Before he can stop himself, Charles asks, “Then what else can I do? ‘Cause I’m running out of options and I don’t know how much longer I can last.”

“I know nothing I can say will change what’s happened to you, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry that your mother died and I’m sorry that your father was a dick when you needed him most.”

Charles lets out a small laugh at that last part. “He’s much better now,” he says quietly.

Erik smiles, grateful that Charles was able to laugh.

“I know you think no one cares or no one will want to listen, but you need to open up every once and a while and just let it all out. Keeping your feelings all to yourself won’t make them go away, no matter how hard you try. You bring so much light to every life you touch and it kills me to know that you're struggling with so much darkness and sadness. I just wish there was something more I could do.” 

It takes Charles a bit to process everything that Erik said. After a few seconds, he takes a deep breath.

“You know,” Charles says in a quiet voice, not wanting to break the calm atmosphere that had developed in the room, “you’re a really good listener. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone all of that.”  
  


“Really?” Erik has a soft look on his face. “Why thank you,” he says playfully. “You are too.”  
  


Charles hesitantly leans forward and rests his forehead on Erik’s chest. He closes his eyes and feels Erik lean forward and rest his chin on Charles’ head. For the first time in a long time, Charles feels relaxed.

* * *

On Sunday afternoon, Erik has a lacrosse game. Charles attends, as per the contract, but doesn’t really pay attention. He brought his bag so he could do some schoolwork, but it’s no use. He keeps running through Friday night’s dinner and their talk afterwards, still trying to process what happened. They haven’t really talked about what happened, but Charles feels like they don’t really need to. It’s hard to explain, but after their heart-to-heart, Charles feels like they just sort of get each other-a mutual understanding of sorts. He’s still staring into space when he feels someone grab his shoulder, causing him to shriek. 

“Ah!” Charles turns around and sees that it’s Erik, who’s currently doubled over in laughter. “Oh piss off. You scared the living crap out of me!”

“You’re such an old lady. Did you fall asleep,” Erik asks, concern underlying his joking tone. 

“Your games are just so boring I can’t help but doze off.”

Erik lightly hits him in the shoulder and grabs his hand to pull him up. “Come on, let’s go. I promised Raven I would get you home in time for the Agatha Christie marathon.”

When Erik and Charles pull up in front of his house, Charles unbuckles his seat belt and opens the door. 

“Bye! And good job today! I”m sure you were great despite how incredibly boring it was.”  
  
Erik sticks out his tongue and drives away. Charles is about to walk towards the front door when it opens and Alex steps out.

“Alex? What’re you doing here?”  
  
“Raven invited me over for movie night. I could never miss a good murder mystery.”  
  
Charles smiles and starts walking towards him but stops in his tracks when he realizes he forgot his bag in Erik’s car. 

“Oh bollocks!”

Before Alex can ask what’s wrong, Charles hears a car honk and turns around to see Erik’s car driving towards them. He must have seen Charles’ bag and turned around before leaving the estate.

“Hold up, I’ll be right there. I just need to grab my bag.”  
  
Alex nods and walks back into the house, leaving the door open. When Erik’s car stops, Charles runs to the driver’s side. Erik’s window is down. “You forgot your bag,” he says, glancing towards the open doorway.

“I know,” Charles says breathlessly. “Thanks.”  
  
“Is he still looking over here?”  
  
“Alex? I don’t know. He went in a minute ago.”  
  
“Then just in case,” Erik says, and he leans out and kisses Charles on the lips, open-mouthed and sure. 

Charles is stunned.

When Erik pulls away, he’s smiling. “Night, Charles.”  
  


He drives off and Charles is still standing there, holding his fingers to his lips. 

_Erik Lehnsherr just kissed me. He kissed me and I liked it, I think._

_I’m pretty sure I liked it. I’m pretty sure I like him._

_Oh god._

* * *

The next morning, Charles is at his locker. He’s putting his books away when he sees Erik walking down the hallway. His heart starts pounding and he ducks his head into his locker, hoping Erik didn’t see him.

From behind the locker door he hears, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Charles replies.

“I just want to set your mind at ease, Xavier, I’m not going to kiss you again. You can stop worrying about it.”  
  
 _Oh._

_So that’s that. It doesn’t matter if I like him or not, because he doesn’t like me back._

Charles steps away from his locker and faces Erik. “I wasn’t worrying about it.”

“Yes you were. I can tell because you have that little wrinkle in between your eyebrows.”  
  
Charles tries to relax his face and Erik laughs.

“It’s not gonna happen again. It was all for Summer’s benefit.”

“Good.”  
  


“Good,” he says.

Erik takes Charles’ hand and closes his locker door. He walks him to class like a real boyfriend, like they’re really in love, and Charles has never been more confused in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> 2 updates in 1 week-that's a new record for me. 
> 
> Lots of fluff, angst, and comfort (my favorite things lol). I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what to write for the after-dinner conversation and I'm really happy with the end result. It's probably one of my favorite scenes, right after a scene in the next chapter that I absolutely love. The next chapter is already written so I'll post that soon. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	9. Chapter 9

Every year at Christmas time, the Xaviers have a tradition known as Christmas Cookie Bonanza. They take out all of their cookbooks, spread them out on the living room floor, and listen to The Beatles’ Christmas records while choosing which cookie recipes they want to make. Raven acts as the scribe, keeping a list of which cookies they're making and which ones they haven’t decided on yet. There are a few cookies they make every year. Brian loves shortbread, Raven likes peanut butter chocolate chip, Moira likes lemon butter cookies, Alex loves snickerdoodles, and Charles has his favorite Jammie Dodgers and Hobnobs. In honor of Sharon, they always make white chocolate macadamia nut cookies, but no one ever eats them. 

Erik’s participating this year; he stayed over after school to do homework and hasn’t yet left. Charles, Raven, and Erik are in the living room going through the cookbooks and Brian is in the kitchen heating up some leftovers. 

Charles holds up a cookbook to show Erik and Raven. “What do you think? Molasses cookies?” Raven writes them down as a maybe

“Hey, what about these?” Erik puts a cookbook on Charles’ lap. It’s opened up to a recipe for fruitcake cookies. 

Charles gags. “Are you joking? Fruitcake cookies sound absolutely horrendous!”  
  


“Hey, I love fruitcake! My mom has a really good recipe and she always puts ice cream on top.”

“Anything with ice cream on top is delicious,” Raven comments.

“If we make fruitcake cookies, you’ll be the only one who eats them. I can guarantee you no one else will touch them.”  
  
“Ok ok, fine. No fruitcake cookies.”  
  


Charles smirks and continues reading through his cookbook. He’s reading a recipe for salted caramel cookies when the alarm for the front gate buzzes. Raven jumps up and runs to check the security cam.

“Alex!” Charles hears her squeal. 

Erik’s head jerks up.

“He’s here to see Raven,” Charles tells him.

“Yeah, right.”  
  


A couple minutes later, Alex walks into the living room with Raven on his back. “Hey,” he says, eyes flickering in Erik’s direction.

“Hey man,” Erik says in a friendly tone. “Have a seat.”  
  
Charles gives him a weird look. Just a second ago, Erik was grumbling and now he’s happy as can be. It doesn’t make sense.

“Is that Alex?” Brian calls out from the kitchen. “Alex, do you want any food? I’m making beans on toast.”  
  


Alex drops Raven off, plops down on the couch, and says, “Sure, thanks!”  
  
To Charles, Alex asks, “Christmas cookie bonanza?”  
  
Charles nods his head. “Christmas cookie bonanza.”  
  


“You’re making my favorite, right?” Alex gives Charles puppy dog eyes, which always make him laugh.

“Stop it, you’re such a dork,” Charles says, shaking his head with a smile.

“What’s your favorite?” Erik asks. “I think the list is pretty much set already.”  
  


“I’m pretty sure they’re already on the list,” Alex replies.

Charles looks back and forth between Alex and Erik, unsure if they’re kidding or not.

Erik reaches out and tickles Raven. “Read us the list if you will Ms. Xavier.”  
  
Raven giggles and grabs her list. “Pinwheel cookies are a yes, molasses cookies are a maybe, fruitcake cookies are an absolutely not-”  
  
“Wait a damn minute, this is a democracy is it not?” Erik asks. “I suggested fruitcake cookies and you rejected them without a second thought.”  
  
“You said no to the fruitcake cookies also!” Charles exclaims. 

“Well, I changed my mind. I want them back under consideration.”

“Well, hate to break it to you, but you don’t have the votes. Raven and I both vote no, so that’s two against one.

Brian pops his head into the living room and shouts, “I vote yes for fruitcake cookies,” before going back into the kitchen. 

Erik pumps his fist in the air. “Yes, thank you Dr. Xavier!” He drags Charles closer to him. “You’re the best!”  
  
Charles laughs and rolls his eyes. “You’re such a brown-noser.”

And then Charles looks over at Alex and sees he’s staring at them with a funny, left-out look on his face. It makes Charles feel bad so he scoots away from Erik and grabs more cookbooks.

“Snickerdoodles are a yes, don’t worry,” Charles says.

“Much appreciated,” Alex says. “Christmas just isn’t the same without your world famous snickerdoodle cookies.”  
  
Raven pipes up, “Alex, you’re being a suck up!” and Alex laughs and chases her around the living room. 

Later, after they finish looking through the cookbooks, Alex leaves to do homework and Raven goes to her room. Charles is cleaning up the living room and Erik is sprawled out on the couch watching him. 

Suddenly, Erik says, “Do you remember Halloween and how you were Harry potter and Alex was Draco? I bet you a million bucks that wasn’t just a coincidence. He probably asked Raven what you were dressing up as and then went out and bought his costume so you two could match. That kid is definitely into you.”  
  
Charles freezes. “That’s ridiculous. Alex loves Moira, end of story.”  
  
“I’m serious! Just wait, as soon as you and I are done, he’s gonna do a huge cliche proclamation of love and ask if you want to go steady.”  
  
Charles yanks away the pillow that Erik is using to cushion his head and throws it on the love seat. “Very funny. Moira is coming home for winter break soon and I bet you my life savings they’ll get back together within a week.”

Erik holds out his hand for him to shake. When Charles takes it, Erik pulls him onto the couch next to him. Their legs touch and Erik has a mischievous glint in his eye. Charles thinks that maybe Erik’s going to kiss him but then they hear Raven’s footsteps coming towards the room and the moment is over. 

* * *

On Saturday, Charles rides his bike to the cafe for lunch and a little alone time. When he gets back home, he sees Alex sitting on the front steps.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Charles asks, hopping off his bike and coming to stand in front of Alex.

Alex looks up and smiles. “Do I need a reason to see my favorite person in the whole world?”

Charles laughs and sits down next to him. “I guess not. Do you want to do anything? I’m free tonight I think.” He can tell something is up with Alex but he doesn’t press for details. 

“Nah let’s just sit out here for a couple minutes. I could use the silence.” Charles nods and briefly rubs Alex’s shoulder, trying to comfort him from whatever seems to be bothering him. Charles looks out at his front lawn and feels Alex shift next to him. When Charles turns to look at him, he realizes Alex moved closer to him. Close enough for them to kiss.

“What are you doing?” Charles whispers, heart racing. They don’t break eye contact.

“I don’t know,” Alex says, whispering as well.

“You don’t know?” Charles asks. 

“Maybe that’s ok,” Alex replies. “Maybe we don’t have to know what we’re doing. Maybe we can just go with it.” 

Before Charles can register what’s happening, he sees Alex starting to lean in and he instinctively leans in as well. Charles can practically hear his heartbeat but it doesn’t feel like what he imagined. He doesn’t feel the fireworks that he always thought he would. All he feels is guilty. 

Before their lips meet, Charles sighs and pulls away. “Alex, we can’t do this,” he says in a soft, broken voice. 

Alex pulls back and looks at Charles. “Why not?” 

“Because…” 

“Because what Charles?”

“Because this isn’t right. This isn’t fair, Alex. You can’t do this to me. You can’t come here and pull this shit right when we were getting back to normal. You had your chance with me, almost 10 years of it. 10 years of me waiting and hoping that you would do what you’re doing right now. But you didn’t.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me? If you felt like that about me for so long, why didn’t you say anything?”

Charles’ whole body goes stiff. He wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t expecting any of this. “You were with Moira.”

  
“I wasn’t always with Moira. The stuff you wrote in your letter-you liked me before we were ever a thing. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Charles lets out a sharp breath. “What does that even matter now?”  
  


“It matters because you should have told me. You should have at least given me a chance.”  
  


“It wouldn’t have made a difference Alex.”  
  


“And I’m telling you that it would have.”

Charles jerkily rises to his feet and Alex follows suit. “You’re so full of shit Alex. You’ve never thought about me like that, not ever, and especially not now. You’re just jealous, and not even because of me. You’re jealous that someone’s taken your spot!”  
  


“Don’t tell me what I think,” Alex snaps.

“So what, you finally decide your feelings the moment I’m with someone? You decide to tell me your feelings when I’ve finally started to move on?” Charles can feel his eyes tearing up and he can’t do anything to stop them. 

“It’s not like I wanted things to happen this way! But if we both feel the same way, why does it matter?”  
  
“Alex, it matters a great deal and you know that.”  
  
“But-”  
  


Charles cuts him off, “Why can’t you just let me move on? Why are you doing this? Nothing good will come out of this.”

“I can’t bottle up my feelings like you can Charles!” 

“I don’t bottle them up! I recognize when my feelings are unwanted or inappropriate and I compartmentalize them like any other functioning human being! We can’t do this Alex. You’re Moira’s.” Charles' voice catches. “You’ve never been mine and you never will be mine. We both need to realize that and grow the fuck up.”

Alex and Charles stare at each other for a few seconds, neither of them daring to break the charged silence between them. After what seems like forever, Charles sighs and collapses onto the steps. He feels Alex move and kneel down in front of him without a word. Charles closes his eyes and rests his forehead against Alex’s. A few tears roll down Charles’ cheeks and Alex exhales and shakily lifts his hand to wipe them away. From far away, they almost look serene. Almost.

* * *

When Erik comes to pick him up on Monday, Charles doesn’t know what to do. He feels like he should tell him what happened, but another part of him wonders what good it will do. They get to school early and Charles decides he might as well tell him before anything else happens.

“Erik.”  
  
Erik looks over at Charles and asks, “Yeah?”  
  
“You were right.”  
  
Erik gets a confused look on his face. “I’m right about most things. What are you talking about specifically?”  
  
Charles sighs and nervously wrings his hands together. _Why am I so nervous about this? It’s not like we’re an actual couple._

“You were right about Alex. He came over on Saturday and-and he tried to kiss me.”  
  
Erik tenses up immediately and doesn’t respond for a few seconds. “Are you serious?”  
  
Charles nods, starting to regret his decision to tell him. A small part of him wanted Erik to be jealous though. 

“He tried to kiss you? Were you alone? Did he try to kiss you in front of Raven?”  
  
“No, we were alone. We were talking on the front steps and then… yeah.”  
  
“That little shit! Who the hell does he think he is, trying to kiss my boyfriend? It’s fucking ridiculous. Where is he? I’m gonna say something to him.” Erik unbuckles his seat belt and goes to open his car door but Charles reaches out and grabs his arm.

“Wait, what? No!”  
  
“I have to, Charles. He can’t just get away with this shit!”  
  
Charles lets go of his arm and grabs his bag. “You better not say anything to him, Erik. I mean it.”  
  
Erik watches him silently and then asks, “Did you want to kiss him back?”  
  
Charles opens his car door and gets out. “Why does it matter?”  
  
He looks taken aback. “Are you mad at me for something?”  
  


“What? No, I’m not mad at you. But I will be if you say anything to him.”

“Fine,” Erik says.

“Fine,” Charles replies.

They grab hands and walk towards the school, neither of them looking at each other.

* * *

Charles hasn’t seen Alex since the day they almost kissed but that night when he gets home from studying at the library, he’s sitting on the front steps, waiting for him. Charles would rather go on avoiding Alex, but here he is, at his house.

“Hey,” Alex says, “Can I talk to you?”  
  
Charles sits down next to him and looks straight ahead at their allée, following the line of trees with his eyes.

“We have to figure out what we’re gonna do before Moira comes home. It’s my fault what happened, so I should be the one to tell her.”

Charles looks at Alex in disbelief. “Tell her? Are you out of your mind? We’re never telling Moira because there’s absolutely nothing to tell.”  
  


Alex juts his chin out. “I don’t want to keep secrets from her.”  
  
“You should have bloody well thought about that before you tried to kiss me. And for the record, if anybody was going to tell her, it would be me. I’m her brother. You were just her boyfriend and you’re not even that anymore.”

Hurt flashes across Alex’s face and it says there. “I was never just Moira’s boyfriend and you know that. This is weird for me, too. Ever since I got that letter…” He hesitates. “Forget it.”

“Just say it,” Charles snaps.

“Ever since I got that letter, things have been all screwy between us. You say I’m not being fair to you, but how is this fair to me? You got to say everything you wanted to say and I’m the one who has to rearrange the way I think about you and make sense of it in my head. You completely blindsided me, and then you just shut me out. You started dating Lehnsherr and you stopped talking to me.” Alex rubs a hand over his eyes and exhales, “Ever since I got your letter, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”  
  
Charles flinches. “Alex…”  
  


“I know you don’t want to hear it, but I need to get this off my chest, ok?”  
  
Charles reluctantly nods. 

“I hate that you’re with Lehnsherr. I’m sorry, but he’s not good enough for you. I don’t think anyone will ever be good enough for you. Least of all me.” Alex ducks his head down and then suddenly looks up at Charles and says, “There was this one time a couple summers ago, we were walking back from somebody’s house-I forget who.”  
  
Charles remembers the night Alex is talking about. They had spent the day at Hank’s and had to walk home after his mom couldn’t give them a ride home.

Quietly, Alex continues, “It was just us and you were laughing at something I said. I remember the way you looked in the sunset, like you didn’t have a care in the world.” He pauses.

“I almost kissed you that day,” Alex admits. “I had thought about it before but I never felt it as strongly as I did that night. I just wanted to see what it would feel like.”  
  
Charles inhales sharply. “And then?”

“And then I don’t know, I just didn’t.”  
  
Charles sighs. “Alex, I’m sorry you got that letter. You were never supposed to see it in the first place. It was just meant for me.”  
  
“Maybe it was fate. Maybe this was all destined to happen like this because in the end, it was always gonna be you and me.”  
  
Charles’ heart stops and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s faced with an opportunity he’s always wanted but never thought would actually happen. He has so many thoughts flying through his mind but he isn’t which are the right ones. 

He should be happy that Alex wants him too, right? He should be relieved that for once, someone loves him back.  
  
But he isn’t. 

All he can think about is what loving Alex has cost him. All he can think about is what a relationship with Alex would cost him. He can never just be happy-there’s always a catch. He thinks about Erik and what they are, and if they’re even anything at all. He thinks about Moira and how betrayed she would feel if she found out what they were doing.

And maybe he should put himself first for once. Maybe he should just throw caution to the wind and say fuck it and allow himself to be loved and wanted and appreciated. 

But he can’t. No matter how hard he wants it, or how hard he thinks he wants it, he just can’t do it. 

And that breaks his heart.

“Please don’t do this, Alex,” he whispers. “Please don’t force me to make this decision. I’m sorry things happened this way but they did and we can’t change that. We just need to move on. It doesn’t matter if we feel the same way or not-it’s not that simple. This isn't just about us. We just need to act like how we were before this whole mess even started. Can you do that? If not for my sake, for Moira’s.”

  
Alex reluctantly nods. 

Charles exhales and stands him. “If we act like nothing happened, everything will be fine.” He repeats that to himself in his head as he talks towards the front door.

* * *

Charles sits in bed, covered in his blankets like a cocoon. He stares at the foot of his bed while trying to process what just happened. He’s about to get up and open the doors to his balcony, thinking that some fresh air might help him, when he hears someone clear their throat from across the room. He looks up and sees fake Alex leaning against the wall.

Charles sighs and rubs his eyes. “I thought I got rid of you.”  
  
“Nope, sorry.”  
  
“You’re a daydream-a figment of my imagination. If I want you to go away, I can make you.”  
  
Fake Alex cocks his head. “Do you want me to leave?”  
  
Charles hesitates. “I…. I don’t know.”  
  
Fake Alex walks forward and stops right in front of his bed. “Why the hesitation, Charles? I thought you loved me?”  
  
“I-”  
  
“Oh, but I forgot. You have your new boyfriend. I guess I’m not needed anymore. Or am I? You can’t have it both ways. Do you love me or not? 

“I do. I-I love you.” A sob escapes Charles’ lips. “But I don’t want to.”

“Why? We could be so great together Charles. We were meant to be, you and I.”

“Just stop it!” He yells and covers his ears, hoping it would all just go away.

He hears his door open and a timid, “Charles?” 

Raven steps into his room and closes the door behind her. “Charles, are you ok?”  
  
He doesn’t look up and another sob wracks his body.

Raven runs over to him and jumps on the bed, hugging his side and trying to get him to lay down.

“What happened? Whose ass do I need to kick?”  
  
Charles lets out a small, wet laugh. “I’m tired, Raven.”  
  
Raven gives him a concerned look.

Charles exhales and closes his eyes. “I’m just really tired.”

* * *

The next day, Charles texts Erik to meet him in the garden after the last bell rings. When Charles gets there, Erik is sitting on one of the benches near the rose bushes.

When Erik sees him, he smiles. “Are we having a picnic or something?”  
  
Charles lets out a quick, awkward laugh and takes off his bag. “No.”  
  


Erik sits up on the bench and leans forward. “Hey, are you ok? Did something happen?”  
  
Charles shakes his head. “No, nothing happened.”  
  
“Then, is there a special reason we’re in the garden right now instead of in my car?”

“I think it’s time for us to break up. Fake break up, I mean.”  
  
Erik does a double take. “Wait, what?”  
  
“There’s no need for us to keep going. You got what you wanted, right? You saved face and so did I. Magda got the message and I talked with Alex and we figured it out, so mission accomplished.”  
  


Erik slowly nods. “....I guess?”  
  


“Ok then.” Charles takes out their contract from his bag and holds it up in front of him poised to rip it in half. “I hereby declare this contract null and void and this relationship officially over.”  
  
He’s about to rip it when Erik grabs it from him. “Wait! What about the ski trip?”  
  
“What about it?”  
  
“The ski trip is a part of the contract. You promised you’d come.”  
  
“That was only if we’re still together. And you know I would hate it.”  
  


“We are still together Charles. You can’t just pull out now.” 

Charles purses his lips together. “Erik, what are you trying to do?”  
  
“Come on, it will be fun. I know you don’t like skiing but you can sit by the fireside and read your books and relax. It can be our final hurrah before we break up. Please?”

Charles sighs and crosses his arms, not expecting it to be this hard to break up with someone. Especially someone he’s not even dating. He also wasn’t expecting how horrible this would make him feel. 

_It’s not like I can tell him I want to break up because I think I’m starting to develop real feelings and feel as if my head’s about to explode_

Charles thinks for a moment. _Fine. I’ll pivot._

“I’ll go if Hank goes.” 

* * *

  
Hank comes over the next day after school and drops down onto the couch next to Charles in the lounge. 

“Why is your boyfriend harassing me about coming on the ski trip? You know I don’t usually go to school functions.” Hank asks while taking off his jacket.

“Yes, and that’s why I told him I would only go if you would, knowing that you wouldn’t. 

“Wait. You have to go! There’s a 100% chance Magda will try something with Erik if you don’t go.”  
  
Charles knew that. But in his attempt to clamp down whatever feelings he had towards Erik, he convinced himself that he’s fine with it and doesn’t care. “You don’t know that. And… I trust him.”

“Are you kidding? Spoiled Princess Magda and her college boyfriend just broke up, which means that she’s gonna have her beady little snake eyes set on your boyfriend. You get Erik, not her. And I’ll make sure of it. I’m coming on that trip.”

“You know, you can’t just use me to get back at Magda,” Charles says dejectedly. 

“It’s not just that. Since you’ve been with Erik, I’ve never seen you so happy.”

“She’s right Charles!” Charles and Hank look up and see Brian standing in the doorway, nursing a glass of scotch. 

“Dad?”  
  
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t eavesdropping, but she’s right. I haven’t seen you have so much fun, going to parties and making new friends. You make your old man very happy,” Brian says before giving them a small smile and leaving the room. 

Hank looks over at Charles with a smug look on his face and Charles sighs. 

“Fine. I’ll go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Lots of angst and still more to come so be ready lol :)
> 
> The scenes with Alex and fake Alex are my favorite scenes in this entire fic. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted them to say because their relationship is so complicated but I'm happy with what I came up with. I wanted it to showcase how conflicted and exhausted Charles feels and how confused and abandoned Alex feels. 
> 
> This chapter was very Alex/Charles centered but don't worry! There's plenty more Cherik to come. Ski trip is next! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	10. Author's Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: On hiatus until further notice

Hey there long time no see!

So unfortunately I am putting this fic on an indefinite hiatus. I don't know how long it will last but I still have my outline and notes so I will finish this fic eventually (there's still hope don't worry!).

I don't know why but I've just lost my interest and excitement for this fandom and ship. Plus I've had zero time to write.

Thanks for reading and for your support. Hopefully I'll be back with an actual chapter soon.


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